Is it time to just say I'm gay and be done with it?

Why do you feel like you shouldn't or that it's not time? It kind of sounds like denial to me if you feel the label otherwise fits you, but then maybe I am biased because that was my own experience.

For the record, I grew up entirely without a father and actually consider that a positive thing. Your daughter will adapt to the changes if you decide you can't stay with your husband, and she will actually be happier if both her parents are genuinely happy.

You will figure this out! (*hug*)

 

You and only you know if you are gay. It sounds like there's a part of you that knows you're gay. As for the part of you that feels that you shouldn't, this is probably your internalized homophobia rearing its ugly head and creating fear, uncertainty, and doubt. Try to ignore that voice and focus on one simple question - are you predominantly attracted to women?

 

It's time when you feel it's time. And if that's now, then all I can say is - Good Morning.

 

I think living with it for a while is great idea! Sticking with a label for a while to try it on for size can really help, it made me realize just how right it was when I finally allowed myself to use the right label.

 

If you're having these deep feelings than you already know and that only becomes stronger. I cannot imagine being in your position but you owe it to yourself to be happy. Whatever that may be. Maybe you can talk to your husband and express these things? Do you still have feelings for him? An attraction? Everything is so much more complicated when you have a family but worth it in the end when pursuing happiness and self love

 

Congratulations!!!! I'm so happy for you!!!

 

Barista, if you feel like you're gay, you probably are. If it's easier to claim bi to justify what you've felt towards men, you could do that. I did for many years, but I reached a point where I couldn't. I really only like women. I don't think that means my entire life has to change, just that I have to select a different dating pool.

 

Barista, just wanted to say I'm here for ya, girl!! Hugs!!

 

Just wanted to say I know how hard it is to go through all this when you are married with a family. Glad you have found a label that feels right for you.

(*hug*)

 

I partially agree with the first sentence. I imagine that thinking oneself is gay is probably a big sign that you are. But it's also a sign of a bisexual or queer person who has a lot of questions and confusion still. I still have these periods too where I go back and forth wondering if I really am just plain old gay but am tricking myself somehow. Then at times I just wish I were strongly gay because it would make the answer simpler. I try the label, say it out loud to myself but it just doesn't fit quite right. Then I'm back to square one.

Bisexual. But does it matter? Who cares if I'm bi if I'm in a monogamous "heteronormative" relationship? Anyway I don't want to detail the topic here. Suffice it to say Barista, I've been having similar thoughts and feelings. It isn't easy.

 

You seem to want a label, to need a label, and that's okay if it makes you feel better. Just know that you don't have to have a label. You don't have to pick anything right now. I am much different in that I really hate labels...who I am will become obvious as my life falls into place. I also think claiming you're bi is not a popular choice because it's not seen as legitimate...not a clear concise choice, kind of like walking the fence.

That being said, yes, I picked a label...it's on my profile. I consider it to be penciled in at the moment.

 

I go through this from time to time as well. After I had sex with my "boyfriend"(for lack of a better term, don't know if we're there quite yet), I kinda felt like maybe I WAS just plain old gay. Then I saw a woman on the street and went "HOLY SH*T, I'd hit that like the side of a tree on Endor!":lol:

I think it sounds like you my still be bi and not totally out of the questioning phase completely.

Ask yourself this: Do you still love your husband? Are you attracted to him? If it wasn't for your daughter, would you still want to stay with him? How does sex with him make you feel? Would you be totally unable to be with a guy if he wasn't in the picture? Would you only be dating women if you weren't married?

Only you can decide on your own label for yourself. No one else can. If you really do feel like you ARE a lesbian, and if you weren't married, you wouldn't ever touch a guy, then that's fine. It's great! If not, then that's great too.

 

I can relate to this. Labeling ourselves gives us a clear direction where to go after years of suppressing things and hiding them and denying them.

---------- Post added 15th Jul 2016 at 07:28 PM ----------

This is exactly how i feel when i say it (except I am a guy who likes guys) ... but two days, two minutes? two hours? later I regret it

 

I am re-reading your posts and I swear (other than the lesbian and having a daughter part ) I am literally walking your path.

we kinda knew the answer to that when we typed it didn't we

Is it time to just say I'm gay and be done with it?
...but I just don't want to say it, want to BE IT and be done with it