It's been 2 weeks since ive been out...

well it will be 2 weeks on Sunday, and to say the least this coming out journey has been rough. I've had some highs but a lot more lows. since I came out to my wife word spread like wildfire. I'm currently out to almost all of my family except 2 members and the distant ones of course. and sadly I don't have any "real" friends so I don't have to worry about that department. but "generally" speaking they have all been supportive, some a lot more then others, but in that sense it has made me feel good and relived a lot of my fears.

the first week was really hell week for me, I feel I have expressed enough on EC to not have to repeat it on this thread, I don't feel as though any amount of preparation could have prepared me for the intense emotions I had to feel. my wife and kids are no longer at my house, which is probably the most painful thing of all. but knowing that I'm not only doing this for me, but the well being of my family, keeps me going. I've also dealt with doubt about weather or not I was doing the right thing. and even doubting my sexuality again, but it took everything I had to to remain truthful to myself and everyone I was telling. even if they doubted me. and also I had to lean on EC a lot for this part so thank you guys.

believe it or not even though I had to tell my wife I was gay, the hardest person I had to tell was my mother. she and my step father are the definition of right wing christen. I've grown up my whole life hearing her talk down to gay people. so to say the least yeah I was scared. but I made it a point to tell her in person, because I owed it to her. but after I told her she told me. "I still love you, and I always will your my son. and I will always be here for you". phew...that made me feel good, but the conversation that followed was a little off to me, she told me she would like me to see a christen counselor to get a different perspective and that I should stop seeing my LGBT therapist, plus talk to their pastor because he is an open minded person and could possibly help me out. well at that point I had to stand my ground, I had been through too much BS in my life to let her try and convince me that I can be "fixed" (which she did say later on). I did it respectfully of course. but to say the least she has not verbally talked to me since. we have text back and fourth, but she will not answer my calls. I know she is hurt and of course I have felt guilt for that as well. but just like my wife I have no choice but to get through it. my step dad has said he loves me as well but I still have a lot of work to do with him to, he has said "I can spot a gay guy the second he walks in the door at my shop. I've known you since you were 12 and I have never seen any red flags about you being gay". to which I said duh that's the point of me being in the closet I didn't want you to know. They both obviously come from a place of ignorance. only time will tell with them. I hope one day they can come around and fully accept me. I just need to educate them that's all.

but as some of you know my wife took things pretty hard. she has definitely drug me through the mud pit. but for the past few days she has been coming around, and has been supportive of me. she still wants to be friends and co parent our children together. she told me by no means does she feel ok. but she just cant fight the inevitable anymore. It's been a hard struggle not only for me but for everyone involved in my life, I have had some extremely low moments. but I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel, and for the first time in my life, I felt proud to stand in my truth. I wish that moment lasted longer but it has truly given me hope that it is going to get better.

 

It was kind of 50/50 with coming out, I personally only made it a point to tell 4 people, my wife told pretty much everyone else, she did ask me if it was OK first though which was nice. To which I didn't care I'd rather get all of the emotions out of the way instead of dragging it on. As far as reaching out a few people have told my they are here for me and will help anyway they can. So it gives me comfort. But I'm not super close with anyone to lean on them. Which is OK i think I'm ready to find my own path in life anyway.

And thank you to everyone else. I appreciate it.