Hiya I was just wondering, how does anyone else cope when their brain is hurting from having to process all much at once and not then being able to process anything. What I mean is that I have recently understood what being gay means. As I am a Trans women I forgot to change the understanding of what gay means over, so I was saying that I was gay but looking for men? I know now that its crazy now. Also yesterday I came out to my family that I was gay. My Aunty has been through the whole journey with me not knowing who I was and thinking that I had to be gay as I had this experience with this other guy. And then later on like 4 years later I said that I was trans (I had been living as a women for like about a year at that point). I didnt say anything to may parents at all at any time and they saw but never asked me anything. (yes I only have my parents and my Aunty left in my family). I did write to my parents a letter explaining that I had legally changed my name and how address to me i.e. pronouns, name. They have never acknowledged reading it all, other than my first initial but they still use the wrong everything. I put up with it because i dont want o cause a fuss and especially if I am not understanding that this is how they love me and I just don't get it. I told my parent also yesterday that I was in love for the first time and all they said in an off had comment be happy but we don't care and enjoy. They are my parents! I was forced to live in their pockets have no escape from them in real life and now they disowned me when I feel like I have tried so hard with them to keep the relations working between us. I guess this is what rejection feels like, truly. Should I grieve about it or celebrate? how do I cope with losing what I knew already I had lost but tried at ever level to make work and fix. I just feel so numb about the whole situation right now. I have also yesterday heard that this 2 bed flat that I live in (its a flat share) the landlady wants to put 7 people in it. There is no living room at all all I have is a double bedroom and the share of a corridor kitchen and a bathroom with a really moldy ceiling and a very narrow hallway connecting all the rooms. This is in a small old council flat block only 4 stories high small. I really struggle with too many people far to close to me physically and that that one of these rooms a family or 4 are moving into tonight. the Landlady wanted to put another tennent in the hallway to sleep as their room. Also there is no form of fire safety in this flat at all. No fire extinguishers no fire blankets no smoke alarms no fire doors. This is breaking the UK law as that is where I am. I cant move out as I do not have the means or money to do so. I just feel like this flat is cursed in negativity all the time and it is just so heavy. Please help me understand how to try and cope and maybe work through some of these problems?
It sounds as though your living conditions are illegal. I would contact someone to report the issue, so as she will be forced to resolve the issues and hopefully will keep you living there. Putting someone in a hallway as their sleeping quarters???? That's insane. I really hope someone can step in and ensure this landlady is compliant with the law for both your safety and security. Hugs to you as you go through all this with your family. I have no answers, but hopefully time will soften your parents and the relationship will get better. Remember that parents are just people, too. Hopefully things will come together for you.
