I never realized I had feelings for men until I was 19. Is that normal when you're bisexual. I definitely had a lot of clues growing up, but I was very scared. I didn't know what sex was until I was 12 and I didn't have a relationship until I was 18. When I came out to my sister, she asked if I always knew. I felt really embarrassed that I didn't. Is this weird?
It's different for everyone. I didn't realize I could have sexual/romantic feelings with guys until two years ago. Could I have suppressed it? Who knows. Glad I accept what I am as do the people I came out to. Dude, I have no experience with sex or dates and I'm in my mid 20s!
That's a sigh of relief for me. I remember getting touched on my back by a guy two years older than me when I was fifteen. I thought to myself I would be gay for him. We were in sunday school too haha. But I never read much into it. Other than I've had the biggest crush on him forever but never admitted it until today. I should have known, but today is good a day as any. My wife woke up today and I was like, I'm bisexual. Can't stop smiling about it. I'm sure this is just a phase but I feel so good right now.
There were clues for me when I was younger, but I didn't really know till I was about 20, then I pushed it down. Up until I fully accepted myself I could only have sexual desire for men, not romantic desire. That's changed now, and as I'm getting to know myself better the balance of romantic attraction has shifted toward men, though not completely shutting out women. My guess is that I'll have periods of being more attracted to one sex or another over time, and i m OK with that. Or maybe in time I'll stop seeing gender altogether, who knows. All I care about is to be true to whoever I am at any given moment!
That's freeing. Like you, I never thought I had romantic feelings with men, but I realized that I love men and I'm definitely free to be with them. Romance just doesn't sound like something men do, but I could easily be romantic with men. I love my best friend and if I hadn't started dating my wife a week before we met, I'm sure we would be together. I feel freat writing that.
I'm glad I'm not the only one too. Realizing I'm LGBT in life makes me question if I always was but did not pick up on the clues as well. I try not to ponder about it too much and am happy I accept myself. Kudos to both of you, gentlemen.
That makes me so happy to hear. I'm normal as weird as I am. Or not. I don't know. Bisexual is confusing sometimes but its really fun to say. I'm bisexual. Great to know moving forward, I'm alright. ---------- Post added 16th Jul 2016 at 07:53 PM ---------- I want to do a poll of bisexuals and see their age when they realized.
I knew at 16 when I met a girl that made me feel the same way as my best friend. Confused the **** out of me because I didn't realize what I had been feeling for my boy friend was gay. Then at 22 I learned to accept it.
This really doesn't have anything to do with differences between bisexuals and gays. Denial is really powerful and the desire to fit in is also really powerful. So people, whether gay or bi, can often be in denial of their true sexual orientation for years, sometimes decades. Fortunately this is becoming less common as society has become more accepting. What does still happen quite a bit is the 'bridge' identity which is part of the 'bargaining' phase of the stages of loss (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance). During the bargaining stage, people can accept same-sex attraction but still try to rationalize why they can still be who they were before... 'Ok, I can admit I like guys but it's still possible I'll end up with a girl'... And that leads to either the idea of separate sexual and romantic orientations (for which there is no support in the research) or identifying as bi when in reality there is little to no opposite sex attraction. This isn't a to say that bisexuality doesn't exist... On the contrary, it is as well documented as the straight and gay identities -- only that some people incorrectly identify that way during their self-acceptance process.
I finally recognized I was gay at about 23 and thinking back I don't know when I finally understood what being gay and sexual orientation really meant. It seems so stupid now and I think how didn't I ever hear the truth or did I and I've forgotten/blocked the memory. I only knew gay to be feminine, flamboyant, etc, nothing to do with having a relationship with a guy. For example, Gunther on the TV show Friends is the kind of guy if I knew in real life would think he could be gay, but on the show he had a crush on Rachel. I knew guys like that whose actions people would call gay, but they dated or at least talked about women. I never knew of guys dating other guys so I was clueless. I do recall avoiding those things I saw as feminine and tried to emphasize my masculine interests. I wish I hadn't done that now. Maybe I could have connected with real gay people way back then and I'd be better off now.
Like someone above said, everyone's experience is different. I didn't know at 19. I think I was well into my 20s before I seriously questioned the first time. Note I say "first" time. It was far from the last time, and I didn't fully come out to myself until I was 42. I grew up in a different era, and with the family (particularly mother) that I grew up with. LGBT was not something even really discussed when I was young. The only thing I knew about sex was "man meets woman, they fall in love, they get married, they decided to have a baby..." talk. Looking back, I know I had attraction to other boys when I was growing up. This began no later than about 13. But I didn't have the knowledge to understand what was going on. And when I did get the knowledge, societal views were enough to keep me in denial for years.
It IS different for everyone. Hells bells, I'm 53 and only starting to deal with it in my life now. Don't let anyone tell you, "You're doing it wrong!" If you're happy with yourself, not hurting anyone (including yourself), then you're doing it right.
Thanks everyone. I guess 27 isn't ideal but it is what it is. I finally got to talk to someone I know who is pan, and I feel very happy that I'm bisexual. Hiding it from myself was killing me and hurting my wife. Now we're in the process of fixing our relationship, but I'm so happy moving forward. Feels good to say I'm straight for her but gay for someone. I'm bisexual and I have so much to learn. Its going to be a fun adventure. F the haters. I definitely was coming up with weird justifications for why I was straight, but I am free to be as gay as I want moving forward.
This is something that I've struggled with too - Why am I only questioning now, in my late twenties? So, you're not alone. For me, I wasn't aware of any attraction to women until I was 18, but didn't really think anything of it, or chose to ignore it. Also, my first relationship was at 22. I thought that I ought to get it over with. This is interesting.
Yeah, looking back is weird. I mean I was constantly fantasizing about men for weeks at a time, but it never crossed my mind that I wasn't straight. I think the disgust with myself after I got off to it held me back from being honest with myself.
Wow, talk about feeling emotionally retarded compared to you and all these young, self-aware posters. I was fifty when I finally accepted that I was bi - despite spending my years of sexual awakening (aged 14 to 16) providing a kind of free, seminal-discharge service for other boys at boarding school. In retrospect, I was only ever sexually attracted to the girls I adored, and only ever sexually satisfied by the guys I didn't. Just go with whatever you want to try - but safely, and see where it takes you, your adult sexuality/identity is still being con-cockted, relax and enjoy the ride!
I didn't realize it until I was in my 20s and pushed it away. I had so many other things going on and now I'm 33. I'm just now trying to accept my bisexuality and embrace it. I just came out to my husband last night. He's happy that I did it and he knew already. He was just waiting on me.
