...or so I currently feel. The process is such a pain. Particularly when your insurance is limited. Find possible names. Try to research. Many therapists have no information out there past an office address. Others are clearly a wrong match, due to specialty. "We deal with screaming small brats!" rules a 45 year old out. Although maybe I could claim I need therapy for my Inner Child... Then, other frustrations come up... The therapist I've mentioned in another thread who wants something like 50 pages of intake paperwork printed is one example. I am beginning to remember with great, vivid clarity why therapy hasn't happened yet, even though it's something I've considered regularly since not long after joining EC. The whole process of getting into therapy is such a huge, colossal pain on the part of my body upon which I sit. It is hugely stressful, and the stress may hit at a time when I'm at my lowest, and have zero energy to deal with problems. It gets to a point where I crack, and just give up. Or "take a break" from the process. A short break may be a good idea; however, there is the problem that a break of a few days can easily end up being months... Speaking of breaks...it's now the weekend, and therapists are off until Monday or Tuesday. Having a wonderful weekend, I suppose, while I'm melting down with stress. Or perhaps they are evilly plotting ways of making it even worse to get therapy. At this point, nothing--nothing--would surprise me.
It is a frustrating process. In my experience when I've sought out therapy most therapists wouldn't call/email me back. Of the ones who did some would not be taking new clients or there would be a scheduling conflict. It sucks, it does. But when you find the right one it is worth it. My suggestion- have a glass of wine or some chocolate brownie ice cream ( or both) put on a good movie, preferably a comedy, put your feet up, and take a break. Then early next week start the search again. Reach out to maybe 10 people, even if they don't sound perfect... And see what happens. Maybe one of them will call you and sound like a good fit. It's worth a try right?
I liked using https://www.psychologytoday.com to look for a therapist. Many of the ones on my insurance had profiles there. It felt like internet dating for a therapist, lol, but I found someone who was a great fit. She has been sooooo helpful. Turns out I have to meet my deductible before the insurance helps, so it didn't really matter, but she gave me a cash discount of about 40% and just not sending it to the insurance company. Still, totally worth every damn penny. ---------- Post added 17th Jul 2016 at 02:17 AM ---------- Oh, and my therapist didn't respond to my initial voice mail that just had my name and number and that I was looking for therapy. When I sent an email with a brief paragraph about my needs (which i knew based on her profile basically made me her favorite type of client) and she wound up taking my case and squeezing me in even though her schedule was basically full.
There's not enough wine in all of Napa Valley to help after this week. :lol: ---------- Post added 16th Jul 2016 at 11:25 PM ---------- At this point, perfect is not even on the list any more... I've got some names. Not 10--at least as of this point. Limited # of providers, so I'm right now at 2, maybe 3 people in the small city I want. But I'll continue looking. ---------- Post added 16th Jul 2016 at 11:37 PM ---------- I've ended up using them, too. I started with searching on Google for therapist + target area's name. It turns up a nice list, including some people I'd like to work with...but when one applies the filter of insurance, the names dropped to 2...and one isn't actually currently recognized by the insurance company. Then, I've gone off searches on the insurance company site, and Googling names to see if anything turns up. Sometimes one sees nothing but listings giving office address. At other times, however, it turns up more info. I've also been stung at least once by the "booked solid." One name that turned up was, as it turned out, a psychologist I saw briefly a while back. I was not a patient, but I was screened by him. I was impressed enough by what I see then to follow up now. And I will say: it was the best experience I've had. I actually got him on the phone. He is booked solid, but he sadi he might--but emphasized might--have someone move on in 2, 3 months. So I may check back if I'm not happy at that time. He couldn't give me any referrals, but was gracious enough to talk a couple of minutes as I asked him some questions that might help me find someone else. And he was kind enough to wish me luck. Meanwhile, I have been less than happy with the communications with someone who is accepting new clients, and those communications have me honestly wondering if I can work with him. Unfortunately, though, he's the only one currently A) taking my White Trash Insurance, and B) can take new patients. I have even gotten to the point of sheer frustration of thinking of taking a long, hard look at a community mental health center. It may be worth doing. I guess my feelings have been that I like the idea of people in private or very small group practice. I'm sure there are people who are good at the bigger places, but it seems like the good people are most likely to gravitate to their own practice. Plus it's just plain hard for me to get to the community health center that serves me.
I realise that the insurance/payment situation in the US is different to the UK, but I'm stunned to read that it is common for therapists not to answer enquiries. I've never experienced this in 20 years of working with therapists on and off. Lack of vacancies yes, scheduling problems yes, but not even answering the initial call from somebody who is in distress........ Here in the UK, although we have a free health service, provision for talking therapies is generally quite poor. It usually consists of a course of just 6 sessions of CBT, and if anything else is considered necessary by your general practitioner (which it often isn't), the waiting list to be seen can stretch for months. It is not unknown to see cases reported in the news where a suicidal teenager has been simply handed an appointment for 6 or more month's time, and just left to wait with no support (or seriously inadequate support) in the meantime. As a result, people generally have to pay privately if they want reliable longterm continuing therapy. Most therapists offer a few places at reduced fees for people of limited means. There are two good professional organizations with very detailed websites, and therapists who belong to these organizations are regulated and bound by a strict code of practice, so it makes sense to pick someone who is registered with them. Twenty years ago, these websites did not exist, and there were a lot of unregulated therapists. My first therapist was one of them, and I have spent 20 years trying to undo the further pain she caused, which horrified my current therapist when I told her about it. My current therapist picked up my call on a Thursday morning, and rang back that lunchtime. When she sensed my level of distress, she offered to see me that afternoon, despite the fact she doesn't normally work Thursday afternoons. After my previous negative experiences, it took me a long time to trust her sufficiently to open up fully, but her 30 years experience, complete reliability and strict adherence to ethical practice have helped me immensely. During the two years I have been seeing her, I have come out to everybody and separated from my husband. My big worry is that there will come a point when I am no longer have the money to pay her, and I might be forced to stop therapy before I am ready. I have come a long way from where I started, but I know there is still quite a bit to do. So my own experience is that good therapy is one of the best things that ever happened to me, but a number of good friends who are prepared to listen without judging is better than any amount of contact with an unsuitable therapist.
Consider joining a mens group, like the Warriors. Sharing your heart, & opening up to other men, in a safe container … can be more healing than the one up / one down relationship of therapist / client. Therapy can be valuable, but for myself, the relationships I've formed w other men, who I've sat in circle w for 10 years, are the strongest relationships I've ever had.
I used the same site as Katchoo, there was a section for LGBT friendly therapist. Had to call around but found that 2 were in my insurance. Since I live in the middle of nowhere hopefully that's encouraging.
I've had a similar experience with trying to find a therapist. Back in March?? I got a list of people through what's called an EAP from my insurance through work. I looked them up to see if they were LGBT friendly and called my top choices and got voicemail for all three. They did all call back but two were booked and one was actually farther away than what the list indicated. The two who were booked said they had full time jobs and only worked part time/freelance so they didn't have full days of appointments available. This was all discouraging so finally about 3 weeks ago I called the EAP again, told them what happened and that I needed help finding someone to see and they had that service too. I got a call back with two possibilities but both seemed to indicate they had some Christian component to their work which could be fine as long as it's the LGBT affirming type, but they were farther than I'd like. I kinda wondered if that lady who was looking for me had a bias for Christian counselors and was trying to throw business their way. Like Katchoo mentioned, I looked at psychologytoday for my area and found several quite close with LGBT mentioned so I should contact them, but I still haven't. I know what BMC77 means about all this and when you're so down it's even harder to get the motivation to do anything about it. I hope he and everyone seeking therapy can find someone to see and gets better from it. Take care!
This goes without saying...but I'd be cautious with any therapist who has a Christian bias or component. The oddest therapist I encountered during one search (maybe 2 years ago) claimed LGBT specialty AND also claimed LDS (Mormon) specialty. It seems like those two worlds are far apart.
