My friends have always called me picky, but I am starting to realize maybe that is not what it is. I have only ever been asked out by men. I've never really felt attracted to any of them. I don't understand how other girls can date a guy they don't really like that much. I have thought to myself "he is not that bad, he is average looking, he is nice. I should just date him to get it over with" and then I realize why the hell am I trying to just "get it over with!" I have to at least feel SOMETHING at least want to kiss him at the very least, but thinking about dating any guy that asks me out just makes me feel anxious and dreadful. My friends say I am picky, but is that really picky? I am not saying "oh because of this or that I don't like him" I am literally saying "I just don't feel exited to date him at all." I've always had a thing for women, obviously that I why I am even on this website. I am starting to wonder if that plays a part in my being single forever? I wonder if a girl ever asked me out would I feel the same? I'm really nervous to go on any dating sites. I am PETRIFIED that someone I know will see me on there. I just feel stuck. I don't know what to do. I have been waiting for the "perfect guy" but what if he does not exist? What if I am not attracted to men that way at all? It is really starting to feel that way. I have not thought about men ever since I accepted being attracted to women. Then it makes me scared to realize how much time I am wasting not dating women. I could have been dating women all along. Then I fear what if I do the same with women? I am really getting scared. I don't want to be alone forever. I act like I don't care. I am super independent and pretend I love it. I work on myself as a person and I feel strong and whole and I use the whole quote "loving yourself before anyone else can". I feel really strong, but it sucks. I feel so lonely and I feel weak saying that because I have always been like "I don't need anyone" but I just really feel like I have a lot of love to give. I really like connecting with people and I just really want to find someone I can love deeper than a friend. I just really want to know what it feels like to love and be loved by a human for once. I HATE admitting that I am not as okay with being single as I seem to be. ugh I don't know. I just really don't know what to do or how I will ever meet anyone especially being in the closet. And my freaking fear that I will still turn away women just as I do men is horrible and does not make me feel confidant about this whole thing.
You could be picky and a lesbian... Sorry couldn't help it. In all seriousness maybe "the one" for you, no matter their gender is just too shy to ask you out. You might see them every day and they are either shy or afraid of being rejected if they asked you out. Have you ever considered anyone interesting enough to ask them out first? I agree you shouldn't do something just to get it over with. You should have some interest or level of attraction to the person you want to date.
Oh, badwolf, I resonate with your whole post so much. I feel like I could have written it. While evading others' questions about why I was single, I would often tell people Iwas picky, or say things like, "At least I haven't married the wrong one yet." In a way, it's true. There are very few men I am attracted to, and I could see that as picky, maybe. But, also, it's a way to describe that I'm not really attracted to many (sometimes, for years at a time, any) men. It's ok to have some standards. Like, you can try to avoid dating women who are not totally batshit crazy and dramatic. And if you magically meet a man you like, cool, though the odds for us doing that sounds pretty damn low. I really hear you on the wasting time thing.... I'm starting to think that when we are ready for it, to date women, we will go for it. We will be ok.
Badwolf, you sound exactly like me 6 months ago. I thought I was just Uber picky about men, never wanted to date anyone, didn't find even the "hot" guys hot, etc. Then, I dated a woman. (Yes, I found her on a dating site.) Oh, wow! There were feelings I never knew I could have. I am so lesbian!
Honestly, no. The guys that ask me out I usually do show interest and talk to them first, but when I find out they want to date me I just kind of turn the switch off and instantly become repulsed. It's kind of hard for me to find a guy in real life that is attractive, has a great personality and I like him enough to want to date to him. I've never really been boy crazy. And with girls, well it's a lot harder. Pretty much everyone is straight it seems so I can't even make it past the first hurdle. Katchoo and RosePetals76, Thanks for sharing! I am really relieved to hear I am not alone with these feelings!! I've never come across anyone who could relate, so it makes me feel a bit better about that. Katchoo, YES! Hopefully it will happen for us when we are ready! I guess we kind of just have to trust the process.
Yes, I went with the picky thing forever. I think some people suspected I was a lesbian just because I was single for so long. The funny thing is, I thought that was a ridiculous assessment of my situation. And yes, I always said I would rather be single that in a bad relationship. I just thought I was holding out for the right man. Turns out, I was holding out for the right person, who just happens to NOT be male. And one of the things I would always point out to people is that no woman had ever hit on me. The thing is, I was not ever in the proximity of lesbians. Once I was, well, boom, there it was. Well, I suppose I really suck at giving any advice on the subject, but I just want you to know that you're not alone. When someone tries to fix you up with a nice guy and you get that "not in a million years" feeling. Yeah, I've had that....many times. Hang in there. It will get better.
For a long time I felt the same way. Everytime I met someone I backed off before anything could start because it didn't feel right. Kissing a guy was never really exciting. I kind of "forced" myself into a relationship because I told myself I shouldn't run away again. It actually lasted for 5 years but that's just because my ex-boyfriend is my best friend. After I admitted to myself that I am gay everything else started to make sense. I noticed a lot of things in hindsight and I noticed different things in my everyday life (queer things mostly). And Kissing and dating a woman for the first time just felt right to me (though I was really scared that it would be the same as with men). Just give it some time to get used to the idea.
Just a practical side note - some dating sites/apps let you hide your profile from straight/hetero people. So only other GLBTIQ people would know you were using them. I'd name one specifically, but I'm not sure what the forum rules are on that...
Thanks for the info! I'll go and look it up. That actually would make me feel a bit better about it! I know I should not want to hide, but I'm just not quite ready to out myself just yet.
This is a really interesting thread. I can also relate to your post, badwolf. I'd never really felt any desire to act when guys asked me out either, and when my current partner asked me out (I was 22), I just thought that I might as well get it over with. I felt a lot of anxiety with it too. Good to know that other people have felt this way.
