Many of us have talked about how it's hard to accept the lesbian label when there's that one guy that there were real feelings with. I, too, had that one guy (not the one I married) in my not so distant past that was my hold up on my label. I accepted a while ago that I loved him, bUT wasn't attracted to him. I remember having a major sexual tension and great sexual interactions, though. Well, last night he stoped by for a bit. He tried to flirt and get me turned on, the way he always has. I was starting to question being lesbian again before he got here, just knowing he was coming over, wondering if this would make me want to redefine my label again. And I was completely shocked, it didn't turn me on at all. I let him try. I wanted to know if it was even possible, and nothing! Guess I'm even les enough for my one guy to be ineffective any more! Not sure why I'm sharing, maybe just examining how much we change once we accept our true selves. Anyway, at least I know for sure, I'm so gay.
I can relate to this. Once I accepted myself, I realized that I'm actually not attracted to men. Men who I had a relationship with were always very smart and inspiring in some ways. I was attracted to their brains for sure, and even if the relationship with those men weren't platonic, I can tell now how physical attraction wasn't really there for me. Sometimes I test myself, I look at a cute men and ask myself, would you kiss him? Would you go on a date with him? Would you sleep with him? The answer is always "hell, no"!
I have wondered what would happen if my current relationship ends, but not really wanting to find out. I used to think that I would probably go back to dating men, but lately seriously question it.
I remember this so well, I was so sure that I was bisexual, because I truly loved my ex boyfriend. We were together for two and a half years. It's funny how obvious it is now that I really never had that strong of an intrest in men. I just thought I had a preference for women. It wasn't until May 17th of this year that I actually kissed a girl. My trigger crush as my friends call her. Because as soon as we kissed, *more like a twenty minute hard core make out session* that the interest in men went to zero. My ex could tell right away something profound changed after that day, and a week later my brain finally got the message to say "HEY YOUR A LESBIAN" just sayin'. So, now? nothing . Even the guy I thought was pretty hot at work, and the one that most gay guys and straight girls seem to lose it over, zip zilch nada. That kiss turned the key to girls only and broke it off in the ignition.:icon_redf:icon_wink:lol:
I love this. It's so true. It was amazing how much falling for my first woman made that switch. I never knew a kiss could do so much.
I am still very confused on my label, but it is the thought that I did have feelings for a guy before (wayyyy back in HS), and even just today noticed a cute boy cashier and thought "See!! You can't be gay...you noticed a cute boy!" Its so hard. Bleh.
There was a guy I always had a crush on. I saw him about a year and a half ago and felt very intense feelings for him at that time. It was confusing because I had it pretty much settled in my head that I was a lesbian. I saw him recently and was nervous before seeing him because I didn't know how I would feel. He had gotten married and I was going to meet his wife. I thought I would be jealous but I wasn't. His wife and I got along just fine and those intense feelings I had for him weren't there. I still felt something but it was much closer to a platonic friendship. I don't know what to make of it. Will these feelings wax and wane? Or are they fading with my growing acceptance of who I am? I've never kissed a woman and wonder how that will affect how I feel. I don't know...
Thanks for sharing, RosePetals. It must be great to have such clarity! I'm no expert, confused04, but I think noticing and wanting act are sometimes two different things. Would you have been interested in him? And, yes, it's so hard. I feel your pain.
as soon as I was 100% sure in my head that I was gay, before I even came out to my bf at the time..... from that moment on every touch, every sexual act or flirtation he gave me just made me dry-heave. How the hell did I put up with it for so many years? I was/am baffled. I started questioning my sexuality when I was still married to my ex husband, so like back in 2006ish.... just used excuses to push those thoughts aside and the one moment that brought it all back was when my ex and I were at the hotsprings on a romantic weekend, there was a drop dead gorgeous lesbian couple there being very affectionate and the sudden, intense envy/depression combo hit me in the gut like a mack truck... that's the moment when the wall of lies and excuses I built around my true self started to crumble... That picture, of those girls leaning in, close...one girls arms around the waist of the other and her arms around the shoulders, long hair tied up in a messy bun, tattoos, gently resting their foreheads together while talking quietly, stealing the occasional kiss..... Such an intensely beautiful moment, and it totally killed who I thought I was so I could begin to see the real me. Not exactly a trigger crush, but a trigger one the less. I kept secretly hoping they would turn and say something to me. I dont know what I would have wanted them to say but I wanted to be like them....be hem...and here I was, stuck with a big hairy man. My lesbian friend said to me once that Henry Rollins was her exception, she'd still do him. SO I tried to think if there was one exception for me, and I honestly cant think of a single one. there is no man, anywhere, that I would want to be with. Not even khal drogo. He's pretty, but like a sexy pair of stillettos, ----looks better on someone else!
Cameron, so much of your story resonates with me. Seeing lesbians together and wishing I had that, pushing aside feelings, etc. How do we ignore so much for so long? It reminds me of a line in Harry Potter, "They don't really notice much, do they? Muggles, they only see what they want to." When we open our eyes and see, there's so much we missed. I used to hang out at a coffee shop. I never noticed it was a gay coffee shop, but it was. An acquaintance from Scouts is lesbian, I never noticed until after I came out. So many examples. It's all there. Makes me wonder what else I missed about my life.
great story!! makes me happy actually becuz my feelings for women are so loyal and i always worry that my future love will be tempted by a man...good to kno that theres more women out there who only have the sparks for other women!:eusa_clap:eusa_danc(!)(&&&)
