Well, I'm still on the emotional roller-coaster. Sometimes I think I'm done with that ride, and getting to a stable point, but then it takes me in another winding direction. Makes me wonder if it'll ever be stable again. I ended up tearful this weekend and I couldn't even explain it. I knew it had something to do with my emotions over being lesbian, but I felt so lost that I didn't even know what it was. I really needed a lesbIan friend to talk out loud to. Problem is that I don't know any that I haven't dated. (So, that's all of 1.) I ended up asking her if she'd let me vent, just to see if she could help. Oh, yes, that's exactly what I needed! She let me start rambling, and was able to understand the problem immediately. I think we all need to focus on making in person friends that identify the same as us. There are things that we deal with that nobody else understands. And I think it's different for each of the labels in some ways. (As much as I want to say "screw labels", I know I felt way different when I identified bi and attempted to live hetero than I do today.) So, one problem is that now I've had a taste of what I want, I desire it more than ever. I know it's there, it's possible, but I can't seem to grasp it. And I'm horrible at the whole dating thing. Not to mention, I don't know where to find anyone other than online or the gay bar, which isn't yielding the quality of people I want. Ugh. Another problem lies in finding my true self. Knowing how much I've done in my romantic life in the way of "I'm supposed to," I've started realizing how much of my life is a result of "supposed to" rather than following my heart. I've lost some of my sense of self, and I need to rediscover her, so that I can be a more genuine me. The most important, though, is knowing that I was numb before. I didn't let myself feel anything when I was living straight, so now this flood gate of feelings is open, and there are so many to handle. Some days I'm better at that than others. Then today, I tried to talk to mom about it. She tries to pretend she's okay with me being les, but then I talk about it and she tells me things like I need to get over it. Or that the feelings don't matter, I can't let myself cry and feel sorry for myself. (I don't feel sorry for myself, I just need to deal with some emotions, but she thinks I'm blubbering because I'm alone.) Not only that, but she got on my case for talking about dating in front of the kids. "It's not appropriate for kids." Excuse me, we can talk about my brother knocking up his mistress while he's married, but me saying I'm talking to a new woman online is inappropriate?! Ugh! Anyways, I just wanted to vent some more. I feel like it needs to come out and be processed for me to move forward. Thanks if you read this far.
Hugs not sure I have good advice or you need any. You kind of described how I felt before coming out to my family (the emotional roller-coaster part). Your situation is definitely harder than mine though: I have always been single and have no kids so I just need to worry about myself. My family never brought the topic up after I came out. They never mentioned boyfriends either so that was a good sign I guess. But I can definitely see them getting uncomfortable if I mention dating a girl. One step at a time... I try not to think too much about the past. What is done is done. Easier said than done I know. I sometimes also wonder what my life would be if A and B did not happen and C happened. Then I'd realize A, B and C were all pretty much out of my control given what I got. So yeah... I suck at dating and have received tons of (often conflicting) advice from friends and acquaintances. Right now I am learning to be happy just by myself (again easier said than done) but I am slowing getting there. I am falling asleep and not making much sense now. I hope you feel better
I'm on the roller coaster too.. was down for awhile but coming back up again. I start to worry because it's such extremes of joy and fear and emotions of all sorts, and i fear if i don't get off the roller coaster I am going to get sick
I just thought why we need the roller coaster.... what does a roller coaster do? It builds momentum to get over humps. And like a real rollercoaster sometimes its scary and sometimes you feel a little motion sick but to get over those big humps of resistance you need a big emotional charge. There is one way its not like a real roller coaster. With a real roller coaster you get to the end of the ride, you get off and you're literally at the same place you started. This is more like a straight line roller coaster- it's taking you to a new destination.. maybe a new ride... maybe the tunnel of love
looks like the roller coaster is getting ready for another ride. This time, I really think I am going to come out- but i have been wrong before :icon_bigg
A good way to meet people is to get involved in activities you enjoy and make friends. It may not be as precise as going to a gay bar - and there's more danger in falling for someone who is straight - but if you are aware of this, you can cut to the chase more quickly before you start to fall for them. Whether it's outdoor hiking groups, gamers, card players, volunteering for the arts or community; the more involved you are, the more people you meet and the more chances of making friends. And who knows, some of those friends you may connect with on a deeper level. What do you enjoy doing and what makes you happy? Go do it, make it a priority, and the connections will be an extra reward for your efforts - and you'll have more fun overall
