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Maybe I'm not too old

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by prettypixie, Jul 20, 2016.

  1. prettypixie

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    I'm 33 years old.
    I have pushed exploring my sexuality to the side for the past few years to handle other issues. Those things have been dealt with so here I am. I wish I hadn't waited so long!

    My husband knows I'm attracted to women and has been asking me more about it. I'm not ashamed to admit it to him but I'm not ready to talk about it. I don't want him to think this is a "oh I just want to do threesomes and have fun" thing. This is real, you know?

    I think he will accept it but I really don't know where to begin with all of this. I know I'm not ready to come out. Not even close. *sighs* I'm just lost right now.
     
  2. caliwoman

    caliwoman Banned

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    I was 33 when I met and fell for a woman. It took me a year and a half to get to where I'm at, which is barely able to admit being bisexual.

    Remember, it's a process and you are exactly where you need to be.

    As far as your husband, not sure how much he knows, but if I could do my "coming out" to my husband again, I'd do it gradually. Get him to dip his toes in the water, per se.
    After him demanding a divorce, he's since given me his blessing to talk to women in a "more than friend" way, as long as I'm open and honest about the conversations. I think he thought I was going to find a chick to hook up with right away. That has not been the case and I think he sees that now for what it is.

    You're okay and you will be okay. I'm only a year older, so hopefully one of us can find a woman. LOL.
     
  3. RosePetals76

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    I was 33 when I started dating women. I've known that I liked women since I was 13, but I didn't really explore it until this year. Once I did, I quickly realized I don't like men at all, just women.
     
  4. prettypixie

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    Thanks a lot for your words. That was really helpful. I know he would stay bc he loves me so much. I'm just not sure how this will affect our marriage. I'm going to discuss this with my therapist.

    I definitely do like men so no worries for him there.

    It IS hard to admit this when it's SO different from everything you have been your whole life. So.. I'm gonna go slow.
     
  5. caliwoman

    caliwoman Banned

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    I'm sooooo with ya! As much progress as I THINK I've made after a year and a half of being in denial (I'm sure I just suppressed those feelings when I was younger), I still have my moments.

    Last night, my husband and I were fooling around and he was cool with watching girl-on-girl porn, talking about what I would do to the woman sexually, and I climaxed very, very intensely. And then I felt sick to my stomach. I felt awful. He actually had to talk to me about this being okay and question why I felt the way I did.

    I think that's internalized homophobia. I don't want to want this. It would certainly be much easier to be 100% straight, plus to have to deal with this in my 30's...that sucks!

    Some days, it's easier than others.
     
    #5 caliwoman, Jul 20, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2016
  6. QuestionMark99

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    I totally relate.

    I'm in my early 30s as well and have only in the last couple years been dealing with this stuff myself - and not very well. Always knew but didn't know I knew! LOL ... But I do sometimes feel like there's no way to move forward, no where to go, and that I've just missed the boat and should get over it. Coming out is for the young, right? I'm past it... Is there any point?

    But then I read though many of the posts here and realize there are a lot of other people my age/your age/every age and they're making it work. Everyone moves at different speeds, so do it for you how and when you feel is right! Good luck!
     
  7. prettypixie

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    Thanks everyone. This has been really helpful. It's nice knowing I'm not alone.