1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

When do you feel safe flirting?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by crazydog15, Jul 20, 2016.

  1. crazydog15

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2015
    Messages:
    352
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    As in, with a stranger. I was at a bar this evening, and there was a really, really cute guy down the way from me. I absolutely wanted to strike up a conversation, ask what he does for a living, what he does for fun, all that, and see how things go. But I was terrified to do it. Not that he'd reject me, but that he'd possibly become hostile and try to do something harmful toward me. I know, though, that I can't let that fear get the better of me. So when do you feel safe chatting someone up? Is it only at a gay bar, or are you comfortable doing it elsewhere?
     
  2. caliwoman

    caliwoman Banned

    Joined:
    May 3, 2016
    Messages:
    364
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Gosh, I can't answer that question. And obviously, I'm a chick, lol...but I will tell ya that one year my husband and I went to Disneyland. He went to the restaurant in the hotel that we were staying at and some guy there struck up a convo with him. He told my husband about how his wife and his kids went to go on rides w/o him, how he was bored and all alone, but kinda happy they were gone.
    I guess the convo progressed onto more things and the guy offered to buy my husband a drink, but he declined, got our food, and came back to our room.

    My husband didn't think anything of it. Maybe it was just me, but I thought the guy was trying to gauge him. See if maybe my husband would be up for that. When I mentioned to this to the hubby, he said, "No way!!" and laughed at me.

    So, maybe something like that could work? A safe and cautious approach that would put a guy at ease?

    Just food for thought.
     
    #2 caliwoman, Jul 20, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2016
  3. Nickw

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,335
    Likes Received:
    1,397
    Location:
    Out West
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hey Crazydog15

    Before I came out to my wife, my only outlet for expressing my "gay" was to go to bars and flirt with guys. I knew I wasn't going to go home with them so maybe that helped put me more at ease and did not raise any red flags to the straight guys. The gay guys saw right through it and I got propositioned a couple times.

    Most guys that are sitting alone in a bar want to talk to someone. Why would they be alone in a busy bar if they didn't want some company? I think approaching them with no expectations that it will go anywhere is a good method. Then you might just have a great time with someone and maybe make a friend or maybe...

    If the guy is gay and available, I think you both will pick up on it. One guy I met, there was an instant chemistry. I still see the guy sometime in passing (hmmm I do have permission now...). Mostly, just have fun!
     
  4. RosePetals76

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2016
    Messages:
    475
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Illinois
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don't feel safe flirting yet. I keep thinking I need to practice at least starting conversations, but I'm not comfortable with it yet.
     
  5. Devil Dave

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2015
    Messages:
    1,077
    Likes Received:
    305
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don't go to gay clubs or bars any more, its just a preference. Last year, i approached two different guys in a gay pub on two seperate occasions, I just walked over to them with a smile after ordering my drink and said "hi, would you like to sit down and chat?" and they both said no. But then they changed their minds and came and chatted to me later.

    But since then I've found it much easier to pick up guys in a gay sauna. I don't even need to chat or flirt with them, I just touch them and if they like me then they'll touch me back. I still go out and socialize, but most of the people I hang with are straight, so I don't seek out any dates or hookups. If something happens it happens, but I just don't enjoy myself much in gay pubs.
     
  6. OnTheHighway

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2014
    Messages:
    3,934
    Likes Received:
    632
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    What a great question! Reflecting on the first time I notice I was flirting with someone in public (aside from a dating web site or an app), I think it was about 9 months from the time I accepted my sexuality. Now I catch myself flirting all the time!

    A few weeks ago, I boarded a plane. When I got to my seat, a fellow passenger was behind me by a handful of people. He was gorgeous. As he walked by, I stopped him and whispered in his ear how gorgeous he was. He looked at me, smiled, blushed and went to his seat a few rows behind me. I could not help but smile for the 2 hour flight home.
     
  7. Michael

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2014
    Messages:
    2,602
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    If you see me ever clearly reacting or even doing the first move, be sure I'm under the influence.

    I'm terrible at flirting... Even if they are sending me all signals, even if I'm sure I do look as I should, I'm terrible, terrible and useless... You must jump right next to me and catch me like a pokémon, otherwise I'll manage to run away from you, even when I want you...
     
  8. killswitch0029

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2015
    Messages:
    1,084
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    New England
    About 99.9% of the time when I'm flirting it's because I'm drunk.