Hello everyone, I am new to this site and this is actually the first time I have asked for advice on the subject of coming out late in life. I'll try not to make this a long introduction. I grew up in the 80's-early 90's. I was always a tomboy... I loved mud and sports, shorts and tshirts. When I hit puberty, well, I spent more time fantasizing about women than I did men. However, in Smalltown, USA, this wasn't very acceptable. I didn't have to be told this and eventually I found myself attracted to men as well. I followed the status quo. I don't think this was a conscious decision. Women married men. That was the way in Smalltown, USA. I think the reason I have come to this point in lifeliving heterosexually is that, quite frankly, that I enjoyed sex. I mean, if I enjoy having sex with a man, I cant be gay, right? Yet 20 years later, at the age of 40, I have never married and have been through failed relationship after failed relationship. The sex worked, but nothing else did. Men simply do not fulfill my emotional needs, and I do not fulfill theirs. We make great friends, but horrible relationship partners. In the meantime, attraction to women has been sporadic in my life. The only accurate way to describe it is as if a switch is periodically turned on and after a brief period, flips back to the "off" position. Several months ago, this switch turned on and has yet to turn off. I was once a volunteer firefighter and a fire is the best way to describe it. You see, a fire needs three things to burn; heat, fuel, and oxygen. Some of you will remember the movie "Backdraft". It was named after the phenomena that occurred when an environment rich in fuel and heat,yet starved of oxygen, is then introduced to oxygen. Boom. I am not trying to be over-dramatic, but the stress of this situation has been a major disruption in my life for the last several months. I am afraid to come out at 40. I wonder "is this just a phase? Shouldnt I just wait it out?", yet I feel so strongly that I can only find happiness with a woman. Any advice and insight would be much appreciated. God bless and namaste.
Welcome to EC, this is a great, safe place to discuss, learn, make friends, etc. Bisexuality isn't a phase for a lot of us. I'm bi, and really happy to be out (well, out to a lot of people, not all yet). My attraction to both sexes has been pretty constant over the last 30 years, which is a little bit different than you are experiencing, but that's not to say it is set in concrete, either. But yeah, I'm 48, and still bisexual. You'll get some great feedback here, I'm glad you found EC.
Thank you, Adray. I hope you are right. I need as much advice as I can get. It feels crazy to want to start to date women at this age, yet I feel i will go crazy if i try to ignore it.
lots of people here older than that, and just coming out. Looking back, how many times did you think you were 'too old' to do something but now you just laugh? anyway, welcome, we're all questioning, discovering, finding out... If it's any consolation I am 10 years older male and realizing what you are now, and I wish discovered it at your age
If it makes you feel better, I'm 53 (almost 54) and just starting to date men and explore my own gender identity. It's never too late, I promise. Morgana
Welcome to EC! You'll be glad you found it. Lean on us when you need it. We're all here to help each other. This is one of the best descriptions I've seen. I love it! Yes, a backdating has hit my life so hard.
