I don't know whether I'm asking you guys to talk me out of this or whether I'm just sharing it just to share. And on some level it doesn't feel stupid at all. I really want to call my ex boyfriend. We've remained friends but we don't talk often. We were together 6 years. He lives across the ocean and I'm gay so I'm not looking for intimacy or sex with him. I just want his voice. I want that assurance, that sound of comfort, from that person who promised we'd always be friends, love each other and care about each other no matter what happened between us. And he meant it. I suppose that's something I don't feel I can get from my husband. "A" wanted me to be me, wanted me to be happy, whether it brought him happiness or not. His arms were like a comfortable blanket. I'd love to lie in his arms, cry a bit, tell him everything. And I want to hear him tell me that I've done everything I could, that I'm doing the right thing. That it's all going to be ok. i shouldn't be yearning so much for that kind of validation, but I am. And I'm yearning for comfort and just knowing I'm not judged. And encouragement to be strong. And I guess lots of things.
Why don't you give him a call? I am friends with my ex too and like yours he's a true friend, and one of few men I get along well with in general. We have talked about my gayness and I even vented a bit to him about my crush on my BFF and I felt much better that I had someone to talk to about it. I felt a bit awkward since he's my (somewhat recent) ex and all but he urged me to open up about it and I am glad he did.
I am behind you in coming out but I have the desire to do this too with an old girlfriend. I just need to tell her I am gay.
Happygirllucky, I really may call him. I'm thinking that it would feel good to have that sense of support. Hes been in my thoughts through this whole journey. And I did reach out to him (long message) when I was starting to come out as bi. In your case, was your ex hurt knowing that you're gay and that implies you didn't have a real connection with him? Findingjoy, perhaps there's s reason were drawn to these people in our lives. Maybe we should listen to our instincts. ---------- Post added 23rd Jul 2016 at 02:14 AM ---------- Sorry I meant to ask as well, findingjoy, what makes you feel compelled to tell her?
I know that feeling. What would be stupid about it? ---------- Post added 23rd Jul 2016 at 02:16 AM ---------- If you think it would help then do it n
Hmmm good question. I guess it was someone that I was emotionally close to years ago, but not really in my present 'ecosystem" so its safe to talk? I had not talked to her in years but out of the blue she contacted me a few years ago when going through a divorce. I also think it can help me come to terms with repressing being gay - to explain to a woman i had a relationship with that the I was really gay.
I was super worried that he would be hurt when I came out to him, but as far as I know he wasn't. We did still have a real connection after all, just as really good friends instead of what we were trying for and we are both the kind of people who value good friends a lot, so maybe that helped. Then again if he were hurt it would be difficult for him to show it because of course he wanted to be supportive, which he really has been. Also he did say he always suspected I was at least bisexual, so I guess it didn't come as a massive surprise to him... I say call your ex and have a chat with him if you feel he will be supportive. How did he respond to your message about coming out as bi?
I guess the only stupid thing is that it's been years since we've actually talked on the phone. Also I wonder why I need external validation and I think maybe that's unhealthy? ---------- Post added 23rd Jul 2016 at 02:35 AM ---------- It sounds like she considers you a friend she can confide in as well. Perhaps it will help you to say these things outloud as well. I think it could be a really good thing. ---------- Post added 23rd Jul 2016 at 02:39 AM ---------- He was super supportive and encouraging when I sent him the message about being bi, I also shared in my message that I was really struggling and having marriage troubles. He was kind and loving about everything. He's always known about my feelings for women, so this was not a surprise to him at all. While we dated I had my one and only experience with a woman with his blessing, and he always encouraged me to explore those feelings when we dated and broke up. So I'm not surprised he would be supportive about that, or really anything I shared with him. He himself is, I guess you would say pan (if I had to use a label...he doesn't use labels), so he also gets that.
Just call him and have a long conversation with him about everything and I know that he will get you and will be supportive and happy for you. Just call him bariatajedi
Honestly, I don't think it is strange or unhealthy at all in your situation to want to hear from someone you find comfort in that everything will be OK. You are going through a huge thing right now and I guess you don't have many people you know in real life with whom you can talk about this who would truly understand like he can as non-straight. I feel like it is actually a healthy thing to seek good support when going through what you are. Maybe if you feel weird just calling him out of the blue maybe you could send him a short SMS/email and ask to talk?
My ex and I (who I was with for 7 years and knew everything about me) are friends still but don't talk very often. When I was deep into questioning mode before the wedding last year, I turned to her as somebody to talk to as it felt very safe and like if anybody might understand me, it was her. Just because the romantic feelings and desires are gone, it doesn't mean that we don't still have a level of bonding and trust with the person still. It totally makes sense.
I think he would get me and be supportive. I'm not happy for me at the moment though , so I don't think he would be either, I'm hoping he'll comfort me. I'm feeling like a big mack truck that's running over people who love me, and like I'm shoving a knife into my own belly. I suppose after all of this is settled, I may feel happy about where I'm heading but right now I honestly see mostly pain and stress. ---------- Post added 23rd Jul 2016 at 03:43 AM ---------- I suppose you're right. I guess it's only natural to look for this kind of support. And yes, because he understands about not being straight, and also knows me so well and accepts me as I am, he feels like someone I'd get a really good sense of comfort from. I'd definitely have to message him first anyway, becausebug the distance and time difference. So that takes one awkward part away from it. ---------- Post added 23rd Jul 2016 at 03:45 AM ---------- This is exactly what I'm feeling, wanting to reach out because of the trust and comfort and connection we have. Did your exgirlfriend help you feel supported and understood, COS?
