I have to think about this more, for myself personally, but went back on my Facebook wall history to look at posts. I noticed that prior to my trigger crush and ever questioning my sexuality, I was really outwardly funny. I'm still like this in person, and online with some, but I can see the actual change in expressing myself on social media - it's really interesting to me. I became more quiet and more put on. Prior, I would literally just say anything on my mind, and it was received really well. Lots of likes, lots of laughs. And then things tightened up. Smaller comments. More analysis of my words, which led to stuffy speech and being careful that what I was saying was good and cryptic. A show almost. It's because she was on my Facebook, but it's also because before I was used to writing out my thoughts, and then I couldn't write out those thoughts: "Isn't it so weird when you wake up and yesterday was fine but today you're kind of gay? Navigation: ON." Yup, wouldn't have flowed as well as the others about previous life crises. I also got rid of so many people from before. Like just went on a deleting spree and am disconnected from so many out of fear that one day I'd be putting up a picture of my girlfriend and it wouldn't be well received. And then I got really sick with a chronic illness that I'm continuing to battle/heal. Pretty much, becoming gay for me was comparable to the extinction of the dinosaurs.
First of all, hugs to you - yeah, extinction of dinosaurs sums this up! There are definitely facts and many positive ones that I can think of.. 1. We all go through changes, tiny and drastic ones apparently too. Whatever change it is, embrace it since you are navigating through new you. It is like a bloom that will eventually blossom. 2. Getting rid of stuff, old and even new, lightens your load. That includes social media followers. 3. Really glad you are coping ok with your illness.. 4. Reading your replies to my posts always made me think you are very knowledgeable and confident and cool, so despite your timid behavior lately you are still who you are on the inside. 5. I really hope you post a photo of you and gf eventually, soon!
Thank you so much Orchidea! You always say the best things. The past few years have been such a huge life change for me with everything. I hope that I come out more enlightened, even if it was a lot of suffering!! I do seem to be getting better, but it is so slow. So, so slow. Anyone should feel free to send me some healing vibes!! Hope you're doing well!
You are still pretty funny to me :roflmao: You have been through a lot so don't be too hard on yourself. You will come through it and when you are on the other side of it you will be your true self. I imagine that will feel pretty liberating. I am kind of the same with social media as my crush is on there too and I find myself thinking more about what I'm posting or even maybe posting differently because of that. (*hug*)
Currently under weather, will wait to send you healing vibes with stronger aura:icon_wink Hang in there!!!
