How can you know it's not just 'forbidden fruit syndrome'?

I just know. I have never slept with another woman but I have kissed a few and had tons of crushes (a ridiculous amount now that I think back on it), also I proposed to a girl in kindergarten and asked her to wait for me until we grow up and can get married and have children. :lol: She said no.

Everything in my past says I am really gay. I never had any genuine interest in boys or men, I just tried to fit into that box because it was expected of me, and it probably did not help that my mom who I have always been very close to was really homophobic and said she would never accept it. She is coming around now though.

I also like it when guys get flirty as long as they are appropriate about it because, hey, who doesn't like to feel desired? I flirt with girls too because even if they are straight I assume they will take it as a compliment, and so far that is exactly what has happened.

I really don't think it is a novelty thing, I mean I am someone who loves novelty and new experiences and get bored super easily, but no matter how novel it would be to have sex with a man on a beach I would never want that. A woman on the other hand... :lol: Still, even if it was only a novelty thing for you I really don't think it can put you off the opposite sex. So did you ever actually like men in the first place, physically speaking? Or was it more about the idea of being with one?

If I may be perfectly honest here: I don't usually do this because no one can tell anyone else who they are and I am probably biased, but from all your posts and our discussions so far, you just sound really gay to me...

 

Ho notmyname

Quote 'How do I know my fantasies and thoughts about women aren't just out of novelty? Or that they're so appealing because I've never experienced the reality?

Yes ! I lived saying this for all my adult life until age 42 and then bam I woke up to the reality 'I am a gay women'

Yrs of relationships with men - never 'feeling the sex , the emotional connection , hating men looking at me , blocking out my desire for women , putting it down to 'fantasy'

I don't know the answer for you ,, I've read a lot of women Fantasie about other women - some carry it through and then regret it
Thing is when I was in my 20s I had drunken nights with women and would feel bad the next day . I now know this was to do with a societal attitude is taken on rather than my own... And also to do with it being a one night stand

Maybe the fact u are questioning and on a gay forum indicates something deeper for you ....

What excites you about a more serious relationship with another women ?

 

NotMyName, for me it wasn't forbidden. When all options were open, and it's the only one I wanted.

 

I don't have any advice, but I can totally relate.

I also get bored at the thought of being with men. The thought seems nice because it is safe, but not exiting at all. I do enjoy flirting with guys, but if it goes any farther than that like they want my number or even try to touch me I get really uncomfortable and lots of anxiety. If I do give him my number I am just freaking out trying to figure out how to get out of it. For that reason I have still not ever had a boyfriend.

I have also never been with a woman. When thinking about women it does seem super exiting and not at all boring. I also fear that maybe I desire women because it is seen as different and kind of wrong in this hetoeronormative society. It just goes against the norm. But yeah I am so scared that once I get the chance to be with a woman I will not like it and this is all just in my head and I am just into the fantasy. It is terrifying because if I am not super crazy about men and the desire to be with a woman is just a fantasy then I will not know what to do.

One thing I struggle with though is even thought I see it as boring,marring a man is what feels most "safe" and thinking about marring a woman makes me scared because I am afraid of how I will be seen. So I am not even sure how I am feeling about anything. My shame of liking women is what leads me to believe it is not just novelty. I think it is a little bit of internalized homophobia I am struggling with on top of that I also just can't seem to believe that this is even real.

 

I can relate to the whole forbidden fruit thing. I have always fantasized about women and been really curious, I've been in a straight relationship all my adult life and assumed I would be with this man forever. In the beginning I couldn't keep my hands off him but that quickly subsided and I thought that it was normal to not really be interested in sex after a while, conversations with some of my friends tell me otherwise. Anyway I'd never really had a crush on a woman, maybe one or two but not intense like I had on men crushes.

Then I met her, the first day I met her I'd never felt so happy to meet anybody for the first time in my life. She turned out to be an out and proud gay woman which captivated me further. We became good friends, flirted and spoke first thing in morning and last thing at night she filled my thoughts. I gave in to my desire and we kissed and it felt right and normal, I desire her more than I've desired anyone. My questioning myself has always been is it all because I'm not supposed to love her and desire her because I'm practically married? Take that all away and say we got together and were open about it would I still feel the same? She makes my tummy somersault but I've never crushed on another woman like this let alone be head over heels in love with one so is she a one off?

I've just split from my partner but I'm not sure if it's what I really want, he won't let me go without a fight and everyday he's asking me not to do this to us. Things are not quite right with us and haven't been for years but I feel safe and I also love our family time.

Feelings are so hard aren't they? If being gay was fully accepted and considered nothing other than normal by everyone I think our soul searching would be much easier.

 

I think if you have sexual fantasies about women, if you masturbate thinking about women, if women's bodies turn you on, if you look twice in the street at a beautiful women, if you imagine being romantic with a women, holding hands etc then you are probably not straight. I do all these things, and I'm definetly not straight

I guess it's maybe easier for me in that I had a relationship with a women (although a long time ago now), I've never questioned if the attraction is genuine. It must be tough. I think there is an element of the 'forbidden fruit' for me too, but I know it's much more than that.

 

I think about this all the time. is it just a fantasy, novelty seeking. am i just here for attention? Sometimes I feel bad because I feel I am wasting everyone's time here.. because today it doesn't feel so real.

on the other hand, a lot of people talk about the 'roller coaster' of coming to the realization ..