Trans lesbian that transitioned later in like

I don't get it either, maybe it's just a clicky scene in your area. Good luck and welcome to EC.

 

Tinamg, welcome to EC. I'm glad you have found your way through transition. I'm sorry that you're struggling to date women.

I understand the problem many lesbians havery with dating trans women, though. I'll try to put this as kindly as I can. I have friends that are trans women, post op. And I would never be able to see myself as dating them. I can fully accept them as women, but when I look at them I am not attracted to them. They transitioned later in life (40s), so their features still are quite masculine in many ways. I don't attract to every woman just because I'm lesbian, and I find it hard to attract to a trans woman because their features remind me too much of a man's, which makes me less likely to attract to them. Does that make sense? Now, if I fell for a woman that looked more feminine to start with, and found out she was trans, I would gladly continue dating her. Sorry if that's rude, I'm just trying to explain where my feelings on it come from, as I've had a few trans women hit on me and I just wasn't able to attract to them.

I also have female friends that are pansexual that gladly date trans women. Perhaps you would have more luck there?

 

This is a pretty good explanation of my own views on the matter. Basically it comes down to whether I am attracted to you or not in the first place, not whether you are trans or not. I would also like to add that if you are pre-op then that would be a problem for me, but I know there are many lesbians out there who don't mind that either. You should also really look into pansexual and bisexual women like RosePetals76 said.

If someone is being hostile they are probably not people you want to spend time with anyway. There are some cliquey type lesbians who are hostile against anyone who is not a gold star man-hating lesbian. Ignore those types and please don't take it personally, they are just not happy people. I am sure you will find a woman who respects you and loves you for who you are!

Oh and welcome to EC!

Edited to add: not all lesbians share these views, some don't care how you look at all or how well you "pass". Who knows, maybe I will run into someone who will one day change my mind on this too, I am open to that possibility if it happens. I just don't want you to feel hopeless because of what RosePetals76 and I said if you don't feel happy with your looks, because I have seen plenty lesbian couples where a trans woman had not even begun taking hormones yet.

 

I still don't get it either. Being bi I've run into the gold star clicks and its not pleasant, but I'd say they are a minority. If I were attracted to you it would be because you are a woman who I find attractive, not because I'm bi and like both. The majority of Trans women I've met you wouldn't ever know they were Trans unless they told you. I knew one lady at the beginning of her late life transition when she was going through hell, but I bet I wouldn't recognize her now. The first time my niece was brave enough to show me her true self i didn't know who she was till she spoke. I thought some weird girl was waveing at me. I think people think of Trans women sometimes and only think about the time before you're in the body you were born to have without looking at the woman that is who is shining in front of them. You'll find a wonderful woman who gets who you are, those who are living in their own ideas of how a woman "should" look, act, or be, wouldn't be for you even if you had been born in the right body.

 

I think it really depends on the people you meet. It might just be that you've had bad luck so far. In a similar example, I had a hard time being friendly with older trans women because my first experience with other trans people was a support group that contained nothing but 50+ trans women and crossdressers who hit on me (at the time, a 20 year old gay-identified early-transition FtM) to the point of making me uncomfortable. Now of course not all older trans women are like that, and I have since met many of them. It's just a matter of expanding your horizons.

That's not to say there aren't plenty of people in the GLB community who are openly hostile to trans people. But there are plenty who are welcoming, too.

 

I wanted to say a lot of this stuff that Bunny said. To me, a woman is a woman is a woman. You're a woman. It must be discouraging to know who you are and feel like others don't see the real you.

(*hug*)

 

That is beautiful phrase, because it sums up what I am having to battle through personally, that horrible little voice in the back of my mind keeps saying things like I can still see him, whenever I see myself and I am not in the best of mental spaces.

This phrase describes my personal thought pattern perfectly. This is what I am really trying to change at the moment. I am just finding really hard. I need to see the trans women how I am and not the person 4.5 years before I started living full time.

Thank you for the support and encouragement to keep going with fighting through this.
(*hug*)

 

No real easy answers, but as someone who is happily dating a pre-op trans woman, I know that it is very possible to find someone who will accept you as you are.