But when I hear all the stories about people who thought they were bi but later accepted they where gay, I hesitate. I really don't want to lie to myself. To the people at this forum who have been through that - does it seem like that's what I'm doing? For a lot of reasons I have a low sex drive right now, but looking back at my life, I remember having sexual thoughts about both sexes from time to time since I was a teenager. Until recently, I dismissed my attraction to girls, but now I have accepted that it's there. I have never had romantic feelings about women, but I guess it could happen if I met the right person. I don't feel a deep need for an emotional relationship with a woman, like some other people do. I have had two meaningful relationships with men. The first was a man really didn't want to be attracted to (I was in my early 20s, he was my teacher), but it somehow just happened, and afterwards I couldn't stop thinking about how sexy it was to be with him. For years I had sexual fantasies about him, even though he wasn't a part of my life anymore. The relationship felt mostly sexual, but there was an emotional connection as well. The second time I wanted to be around him all the time, I didn't think about how I wanted to label the relationship, it just felt good and natural, the sex was good but the emotional connection was even better. We got married and had a daughter. Right now my attraction to women feels stronger and more physical than my attraction towards men, but for years - after I fell in love with my husband - I feel like it wasn't even there. I might have been repressing it, but it doesn't feel that way. I think my history points to me being bisexual with fluid attractions, but I am not sure. I just wanted to share my thoughts. You are welcome to share your opinions about what this all means. I am genuinely confused.
Your history does sound bi, but I wouldn't commit a label before you've been with women as well. Or you can call yourself bi for now, and remain open to where that takes you in the future. I'm one that used to say I was bi, but once I was in a relationship with a woman, it was obvious I wasn't. And if you don't want a label at all, that's okay, too. You can just go with "I'm attracted to who ever I'm attracted to."
I don't think to use a not accurate enough/wrong label must be the same as lying to yourself. I'm a man and I have a clear preference for women, but I have had experiences with men, and at this point of my life I feel more comfortable saying 'I'm bisexual' than 'I'm straight'. I accept I might wake up in 5 or 10 years, do the math and see the label is not true anymore, then change it, and I'd refuse to call my old self a 'liar'. For some reason it seems easier to me to build the definition of self based on what I am surely not. For instance I never defined myself as 'gay'. I defined myself as 'bisexual' since my early teens, then changed it to 'heterosexual', but most experiences I had with men seemed to laugh at my 'heterosexual' label. I enjoyed sex with men, not all kinds of sex but certain kinds, and those kinds were as enjoyable to me as any kind of sex with women, so why should I use 'heterosexual' when it is so obvious there is another part of me that likes certain kinds of sex with men? And after all, from 20 people I feel attracted to, 5-7 are going to be men. It is not a question of which practices you prefer, but a question of which genders you are attracted to. I've become more comfortable over the years with the label 'Bisexual', so comfortable that I can use it for myself nowadays, but let's face it... Who likes to be seen as 'confused', a 'liar' or 'greedy'?
A label is not permanent, so do not stress over whether it might change in the future or not. I have a similar relationship past as you. I dated men and women, I saw myself as bisexual for the longest time. As of lately my feelings towards men completely diminished. I am identifying as a lesbian now. I am still in the process of truly accepting it, but I am getting there. I hope you find yourself and ease your confusions (*hug*)
