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What would it feel like to grow up straight? Or to grow up openly and proudly gay?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by baristajedi, Jul 26, 2016.

  1. baristajedi

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    So I've just been thinking about some things...

    I'm happy to be the person that I am, I'm happy that I'm gay and I'm proud of the journey I've been on. Even though the path getting here has been difficult, I wouldn't trade in the challenges for being straight partially because all of the experiences in this journey have shaped me and have shaped my perspective in life, my appreciation for so many things as well.

    But I do wonder, mostly out of curiosity...What would it have been like to grow up completely comfortable with my sexuality? To be able to feel whatever I feel and develop my sense of self based on something directly aligned with the truth, rather than construct the elaborate versions of reality I have to explain away my real feelings.

    I'm not expressing regret right now - at this point I genuinely appreciate the path my life has taken. This is more of a sincere question of what would a crush feel like, without all the baggage attached to it? What would a teenage first kiss feel like with someone I really liked? What would I have experienced growing up if I had been able to experience sexuality without shame and denial?

    I'm not sure any one of us can answer this, but it's just something I've been pondering today.


    Just in case I haven't made it clear, I love being gay, I'm proud to be gay, :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride: this is just more of a hmmm, I wonder what that's like, kind of question.
     
    #1 baristajedi, Jul 26, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2016
  2. crazydog15

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    Re: What would it feel like to grow up straight? Or to grow up openly and proudly gay

    I wonder, too. Like you, I will likely never have an answer, but I wonder, too.
     
  3. RosePetals76

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    Re: What would it feel like to grow up straight? Or to grow up openly and proudly gay

    I wonder, too. I also wonder things like if my aunt that passed away without coming out had actually come out, if I'd have stayed closeted so long. So many "I wonder"s out there. Too bad there's no way to know.
     
  4. baristajedi

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    Re: What would it feel like to grow up straight? Or to grow up openly and proudly gay

    I have so many "I wonders" as well.... I suppose I just wonder what it feels like to have those experiences. But now I can embrace and feel all the things I haven't through my life, and I certainly appreciate having reached this point.

    I'm feeling a lot of affection right now for having embraced my gayness. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  5. LostInDaydreams

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    Re: What would it feel like to grow up straight? Or to grow up openly and proudly gay

    I was thinking about this just yesterday. I never did all the initials surrounded by hearts written in notebooks, first kisses, etc. at school like (nearly) everyone else. I felt pressure to do it, but the idea of kissing a guy made me anxious. The alternative option never crossed my mind, to be honest.
     
  6. HappyGirlLucky

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    Re: What would it feel like to grow up straight? Or to grow up openly and proudly gay

    I think about what it would have been like to grow up openly gay too and sometimes it makes me feel regret over not coming out earlier. But then who knows what else would have been different about my life? I love my life today. :slight_smile: I don't wonder too much about being straight because thinking about being forced to be in a straight relationships makes me go:

    [​IMG]
     
    #6 HappyGirlLucky, Jul 27, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2016
  7. baristajedi

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    Re: What would it feel like to grow up straight? Or to grow up openly and proudly gay

    Yeah I never did the hearts and the names either but I did always say I had a crush on various boys. I felt pressure too. Kissing boys and men has always felt mechanical to me.
     
  8. LostInDaydreams

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    Re: What would it feel like to grow up straight? Or to grow up openly and proudly gay

    Yes, I've never gotten anything out of kissing, apart from being irritated by stubble.
     
  9. baristajedi

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    Re: What would it feel like to grow up straight? Or to grow up openly and proudly gay

    Yes I totally agree with everything you're saying, and I feel the same way about straight relationships too :lol:

    ---------- Post added 27th Jul 2016 at 03:12 PM ----------

    Same.... So much the same.
     
  10. CharacterStudy

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    Re: What would it feel like to grow up straight? Or to grow up openly and proudly gay

    Interesting ponderings. As someone who now knows they are perhaps about only 2% not straight, I grew up with the assumption of straightness. I can tell you that straight teenagers still don't have it easy, being a teenager is still a headfuck whatever your orientation.

    You still have nerves, still fall for the wrong person, still have unrequited crushes, the feeling you'll never meet someone, the long drawn out will-they-won't-they friends or lovers sagas, pressure to kiss (from friends, classmates and the opposite sex), pressure to do more, anxiety about kissing, feeling uncomfortable in your own skin...

    Not saying LGBT teens don't have it harder, they definitely do, though one day I hope they won't have all the external crap to deal with. But there are a lot of basic feelings and worries that will be the same.
     
  11. Michael

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    Re: What would it feel like to grow up straight? Or to grow up openly and proudly gay

    Funny, that's how I always felt :lol:

    OP, that's a good question. I remember one of those cheap random internet pictures somewhere stating 'My scars are who I am'. It's up to each person to do something with the scars. Some cover them up, feeling only shame. Others show them proudly, calling them their battle wounds.

    I personally don't think it would have made such a big difference, except for the fact I would have never get involved with some people I've met.