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Coming out so far

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Angelbob, Jul 31, 2016.

  1. Angelbob

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    I signed up to this a while ago but not been on for ages so i may have posted some of this stuff before but am not sure.

    Basically i'm 32 and Bi if anyone ever asked i always told them the truth but generally people don't ask and I didn't feel the need to come out as such.

    I thought if something gets serious with a girl i'll tell my parents but recently i felt that this might be the reason nothing has got serious because my parents do know.

    I started off telling friends and some have been really great and supportive, a lot were like yeah we already know it's really obvious which i kinda found annoying. I've kinda got more friends to tell but I am not looking forward to the whole yeah we knew that.

    I know my mum is going to be cool with it and probably my dad and brothers as well i just keep thinking they don't need to know it doesn't make a difference.

    Anyone have a similar experience telling people later in life especially parents?
     
  2. yuanzi

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    This is pretty much where I am at right now. However if it is a close friend, I will make sure I tell them even if they never ask.

    I was like that until about a month ago. I realized I liked girls a decade ago but kept telling myself there was no need since I had always been single. However, in the past 5 years I noticed that hiding it from my family was seriously damaging my relationship with them as well as my mental well-being. Too many white lies, abrupt changes of subjects and too much miscommunication.

    Everytime when I told myself they didn't need to know until I had someone since I was comfortable with myself and it was none of their business, there was always a small voice in my head that said I was not comfortable with myself and I was ashamed and afraid that I would destroy the image of a perfect daughter/granddaughter by coming out to my family. I reached a breaking point about a month ago and was seriously thinking of hurting myself. That was when I decided to come out to my family.

    I don't know anything about your situation but I still strongly encourage you to come out, especially if you think your folks will be relatively okay with it.
     
    #2 yuanzi, Jul 31, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2016
  3. ConsciousRose42

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    Angel Bob thanks for sharing -
    Yes !
    I came out last Aug but haven't told my dad or Granma yet ---
    'They don't need to know .. It doesn't make a difference
    Yep I get that - it's my business etc all part of the defense against not saying which for me underlying is fear I'll be judged - relationship might change

    I do feel more ready to tell me dad now - my Granma I just can't imagine I will she is 90 I might give her a cardiac arrest lol ! :slight_smile:
     
  4. yuanzi

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    ConsciousRose42, when I said I came out to my family I meant my grandparents and mom (my grandparents raised me and my dad has never been in the picture). Like you said, one of my biggest fear was that my grandma would get a heart attack or something (she is 78 and my grandpa is 84...). She has heart conditions, high blood pressure among other things and I thought I would never forgive myself if I gave her a heart attack.

    Well my granny apparently was stronger than I thought. When I came out I was a teary mess, but she was relatively calm. Since then she has said to me a few times that she would be able to rest in peace as long as I am happy with myself. (We are a very traditional Chinese family and that's her way of showing support.)

    Anyway good luck to you gals if you decide to come out to your family!
     
  5. Angelbob

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    Thanks guys i am pretty sure my mum already knows you know the way mums do.

    Just the saying it out loud is the thing.

    I want to tell my family so my nephews and niece can see a positive role model they are starting to get to an age when people are using terms like gay as an insult and they are OK with it.
     
  6. RosePetals76

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    My mom was probably the most resistant when I told her I was dating women. I'd told her before I was bi, and she hadn't cared then, but when I started dating a woman she got weird, and then again when I told her I'm truly a lesbian. She's coming around slowly, though. She never went off on me or anything, but I could see a change. Now she's warming up. My dad thought it had been obvious forever, so he wasn't surprised or upset at all. My parents' best friends have a daughter who is bi and has a wife, so I think that helps me some.
     
  7. Angelbob

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    Well i told my mum it was almost a non event. She just was like oh ok kinda of why are you telling me.

    I don't think she realised it was a big deal for me. It's a huge weight off my shoulders i knew she'd be fine I feel so lucky that she is so cool with it all.

    Next on the list Dad
     
  8. Adray

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    Good for you, Angelbob!

    I still haven't told my parents, they live a couple of states away, and I've been waiting for a face-to-face. I might have to call and do it by phone.

    When I talked to my sister, it was a non-event, like you say. She was most concerned that I'm not divorcing (not a chance, I'm happy and my wife is a big ally). Once we squared away that the marriage is still great and no problems, she was almost disinterested, LOL.

    Good for you, keep going!