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First time after coming out

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by HIMYM, Aug 2, 2016.

  1. HIMYM

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hiya ☺

    I have this very irritating question thats just worrying me right now about what it really means.

    The simple way of saying this is, is it normal to find sex, for the first time after you came out really scary?

    I really like her and I don't want to get anything wrong.
    There are a few reasons that I am scared, as everytime I have tried before (only with guys) I freeze up and my body uncontrollably trembles and I feel so uneasy about the whole event ( I have even had that electric shock feeling which was difficult to work with). I am really scared that as it has always happened before it will just happen this time.
    Is this a fairly normal thing to happen?

    My mind and brain really wants this to happen, but I just want my body to respond to my needs, and therefore her needs.

    I want to feel confident that I can meet her needs.
    We have spoken about this and all this is only in my head.

    Is there a way of me being able to get over or even just get around this intense strong feeling of fear?

    I hope that I am not the only one who feels this way. If not now, then in the past. Any advice would be really helpful, thank you
     
  2. RosePetals76

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    I still get nervous over sex, too. I haven't been with women much and I worry I won't be able to please them. I also have ways I'm uncomfortable being touched. I just try to be open and honest and take things slow. So far everything I've done with women has been great and needs have been met that way.
     
  3. HIMYM

    Regular Member

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    Thank you RosePetals76. I am now starting to not feel quiet as bad about it. And thank you for the advice. I am really open and honest with her and she is the same. I will try and take things slow and to remember to relax.

    And thank you for the comforting encouragement :slight_smile: thank you
     
  4. greatwhale

    Full Member

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    Once I fully accepted that I am gay, something amazing happened: I discovered that I could give myself freely to my partner, I discovered that prior to this acceptance, sex with men was uncommitted and furtive, I could not let myself just enjoy it, principally because I blocked out any potential for an emotional connection.

    Once that obstacle had been removed (an obstacle I only recognized by its absence) I understood completely what I had been missing.

    May I suggest that, in this instance, you not think too much about how it will be or whether you will satisfy her needs. Remember that she will be there two, it really is a dance for two and both partners are contributing to the experience. It is not a matter of your own performance, but rather an opportunity for joy, embrace it, focus on her and on how you are pleasing her, then follow her lead when she wants to, and embrace it.