So I'm now in a gay relationship but have really only told one or two friends. I haven't told my family who I think are still reeling from my break up in April. I appreciate some folk may think it's too soon to jump into a relationship but I've found someone I really connect with. I'm not yet comfortable with the physical aspects of being gay but have found comfort in little signs of affection the odd kiss, touching etc which I never thought I would. Question is at what point do I start telling my ex (it seems only fair that she knows at some point). I know it will hurt her, there's no denying it, so am not quite sure when and how to do it. Things move between being fine and cordial with the odd angry and hurt text message coming my way (I hate texts for dealing with emotional issues btw and have told her so). Is there a right way and time to tell her? What about my family? I'm thinking of broaching it with my sister first and asking her advice on telling my parents. I like to be open and honest about things now. Though I'm scared to admit it I do have feelings for this guy. It's taking a bit of getting used to but it could go somewhere though we are taking it slow. We have both come out around the same time, are both dads so are sharing a lot of things together in terms of the fall out from our coming out. Any thoughts?
As long as your going into the relationship with open eyes and understand where you are on your journey and the implications it may have on your new relationship, then it does not matter what others think about your relationship, you need to do what you are comfortable with. In terms of communication, I am not sure there ever will be a right time. Whether you said something to ex today, or next year, it probably will always be an issue. I would just see when it comes naturally during one of your discussions. As far as others, again, this comes down to what your comfortable with. If you want them to know, then tell them. If you prefer not to, then don't. There really is no science to this. You will do some things right along the way, you will make some mistakes. Brush off and learn from the mistakes as you make them doing what you feel comfortable with.
Thanks oth. I'm feeling a vulnerability that I could get hurt that I've never felt before. That's difficult to deal with. I guess cos I wasn't emotionally connected to straight relationships I was always in control of my emotions - this is a whole new experience for me. I have to say though that I realise my feelings are not overwhelming and a lot more subtle than I thought they would be. I expected a rush of feelings to come post coming out but it has been a much more gradual journey than I thought. I think I'm getting there though, at least I hope I am.
Well, it sounds like your being thoughtful while letting your emotions catch up to the person you really are; which is great progress. In terms of vulnerability, its to be expected and all part of the journey. Make yourself vulnerable, you will grow from it as a result. As far as getting vulnerable and getting hurt, it will happen. But there is nothing you can do about it. So when it does, brush it off and keep moving forward.
It seems you are on the right track, let things evolve as they will, and enjoy your moments together. As for angry texts, I have found that the most effective method of putting that to rest is simply not to respond, at all. Maintain complete radio silence with those bloody, and frankly cowardly texts. She can call you, it's good old-fashioned technology that works.
Thanks guys. Yes they are a bit cowardly. Only meant to upset me more than I already am but she's hurting so I give her some leeway for that. She's a great person who doesn't deserve all this so I can understand.
