How do I go on like this? I am married and have been in love non stop for more than a year. Never really got to know her, but crushed, and truly fell in love, real love. Thought I am straight till all this.. She did not feel the same. Been getting through this for many months, trying to neutralize my feelings and get back to normal. No f...n luck! As for her, don't even know how to summarize her actions. At some point we agreed to put all this behind, but I don't think she has followed through.. She ignores me most of the time, not in a plain way though.. Sometimes it looks as if she is competing, don't know for what, or playing games/showing off? She literally passes by me an inch away looking ahead or down and not saying a word. There is small talk, but very rarely. Couple days ago it was very hurtful.. Saw her by accident at a public place, she saw me too and immediately started walking away. She kept turning to the side for some reason, maybe to see if I am following her.. Of course I did not follow her, went my own direction to take care of what I needed to do. All this happened same day that she did a smile with prolonged stare. I am trying to see if I am making this up, that things are not what they seem to be. I don't want any hope anymore, I just want to forget, as if her in my life never happened. It is like an unwelcome dream. It doesn't get any more ridiculous, to be hopelessly in love with someone, and for so long.. while married and straight(or thought so) There are no signs of it going away. This feeling just takes on different forms but does not diminish. When I don't see her I miss her, when I see her I think 'here we go again'. All this tension is getting old and I don't feel anything positive about her. How did I get myself into such a mess?? I always liked guys, wished for a good husband and kids.. This all came true. Now I can't let go of my feelings for a woman. How do I go on while loving someone to the point that I am so unhappy with all the nice things my life has to offer? I do love my husband and kids very much, I am just so unhappy..
Sometimes we have to let go of people we love because there's other factors that play in. When that is released, we open ourselves to new loves and more happiness. There is a grief process with letting go, and you have to work through that, but when it's done, there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
Thanks RosePetals, great point about holding onto something that doesn't allow new love and happpiness to come my way.. I think what made me post is the increasing understanding of how much internal feeling I've been paying to someone who is not there for me. Letting her go is not the same as letting my sexuality go, but it sure does feel connected.. I may be just afraid to take that leap to see what the next chapter may be..
For the past week, I've been reading through your initial posts on this situation. I'm sorry this is so disheartening. Things will get better but you do need to accept that this relationship is not growing and moving forward. Who knows that one day things may change, but you have to get yourself mentally to a place where you can say if it does great, if not, I have other options. The acceptance is the hardest part because we want to believe our hearts will get the chance to be fulfilled with the one we love. But what if they're not loving us? There is possibly someone else out there for you that will engage and you can see and feel the difference! This woman you have fallen in love with is not engaging in a positive way with you; and you don't deserve to be ignored or played with. She is the only one in your sights, so like you advised me, everything she does is magnified because it's your heart that is open to her. And that's what's hard to accept. I was in a previous 'relationship' which ended with her telling me she never missed me when i wasn't around, never thought about me or knew how much I cared for her - she was oblivious to me in every way even though she acted totally opposite. The woman who has been pursuing me lately has shown me what it's like when someone is actually interested in you - the thoughts and vibes are positive, she engages and is open. I had to let the first woman go that was literally consuming me, before I could see the one I have now. Is there a way for you to get out and do some different activities to meet new people? Art shows and creative events are awesome for meeting new people, take a class or do something you've always wanted to do but never got around to it. You're worth more than what this woman is willing to give you - don't let her keep you locked in an emotional cage or rent space in your head. The worse thing about these kinds of situations is the lack of communication which keeps us filling in the blanks with our own hopes, desires and/or fears. You have the power to overcome this. Don't be like me and spend a decade making up some false reality about a woman who was oblivious to me. It nearly killed me. Try letting this one go so you can see the others who want to be a part of your life and are craving your attention. If she comes around later, great, at least you will be healthier in thought and spirit and more prepared to lay down boundaries about what treatment you will accept from others you are willing to open yourself to, and what treatment is unacceptable. This is the core of a healthy connection. Know and accept yourself wholly, and don't let anyone change those rules. If they try to play games or show you minimal respect, disengage. You deserve better (*hug*)
Hey Orchidea. Boy do I feel your pain, in some ways. I agree with what Fresian says. You need to accept that nothing will happen with her. You also need to accept what happened, period. I totally get the whole needing to wrap your head around it, and not knowing how to go about it, but it is so crucial to accept what happened so you can move on. I don't remember your entire story, but know that what happened is okay and doesn't change who you are as a person. You are not bad because you liked her, and you are not bad because she couldn't be what you felt you needed her to be. You know many of us here have gone through the, "I was straight and then I wasn't," shock to the system. I have to assume that, because there are many more than two of us who have gone through this, it is completely normal. A bit earth shattering, but normal. Let her go. Do what you need to do to deal with it. Think about seeking out counseling if you haven't already. Even consider calling a hotline if there is one just to talk to someone. Try not to pay attention to her anymore, no matter how hard it is. Don't read into the things she does to and by you. From now on, you walk past her and look ahead. It will be so hard, but fake it until you make it. You're gonna get through this. have you told any close friends or anything?
Dear Friesian, Really glad you stopped by this thread and gave me advice and your perspective I needed to hear. When it comes to seeing someone else's struggle I find it easy to support with advice. When it comes to my own stuff I need to hear (read) the words of truth from someone else. Yes, deep inside we know what's best for us, yet find it difficult to accept and go on. I am so sorry about your 10 year struggle and so glad you met someone who truly cares about you. I am realizing now how much pain and struggle this have been and starting to accept that she just isn't the right person to even be a friend material. There are few activities I've been involved in, and surely will make room for more. Although it is not my goal to meet another woman, after all, I am married. Sadly, I am probably at least bi (closeted bi with no hope). Thx for the support hug(*hug*) ---------- Post added 6th Aug 2016 at 06:31 PM ---------- Dear YeahpIdk, I need to accept it is not happening, And need to accept what happened.. To accept what happened - this is what has never made it to my getting over it all list! I guess I have not fully accepted what happened and definitely need to work on it. Full acceptance may help get going in the right direction. Will hold my head up high and keep going. Wondering if she'll greet or just pass by is kinda pointless. I have not told any of my friends and cannot confide to anyone since they are mostly couples and that wouldn't be good for our family image or my own. So yeah, I have no one to confide to except to my husband who 'won't be married to a lesbian'. Getting over her, might Take me to my new closet:icon_wink
(*hug*)(*hug*) definitely find someone to talk to. Anyone. It's important to have someone in real life to talk about it with. Of course we're all here, too!(*hug*)(*hug*)
Hi Orchidea, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you should seek a romantic relationship outside your marriage. I wouldn't want to encourage anyone to do that. I was just thinking that if you got more involved in other things that you would meet new people, perhaps find that person you connect with on a friendship basis and be comfortable enough to talk to them like YeahpIdk mentioned I believe that all things work together for good - there is something good that will come out of all the turmoil for you. Hang in there, it will pass~
I really hope something good comes along, Friesian! Even though would not want to go though this again in a million years, it has impacted me so much, I won't be who I am now without having met her. You are right about meeting new people - maybe that eventually will lead me to an open minded friend.
