So I sit here as a gay man. I know that intellectually and I can smile thinking about my bf. But there's this nagging anxiety I feel. Still trying to get comfortable with it all. I want to be comfortable with it I really do but the nagging anxiety is still bothering me. I know I can't change me, I can't help that being with a man will Make me happier when I envisage it in my mind but there that nagging level of anxiety just bothering me. I'm hoping it's all a matter of time. I guess it's only a few months since I even allowed myself to fantisise about being with a guy. Previously I would only fantisise about women no matter how disappointing that could be, it was an outlet for my sexuality. Now that I am more free in my mind to 'be gay' I just have the nagging anxiety and discomfort. Did anyone else repress their sexuality as much as me and I have done over the years? If so how long did it take you to become comfortable. I'm done with feeling rubbish. I WANT to be happy gay and comfortable with things. Straight folk get it so lucky with sexuality in my view. Bastards.
You're right, straight people get off easy. I repressed my sexuality until just this year, even though I've known since I was 13. I even married straight for 10 years. I opened myself up to dating women in February and just now started getting to a comfort level. So, 6 months for me, but that seems quick compared to many.
Rome was not built in a day, and in similar form, after living your life as someone your not, now that you have accepted yourself, building your real life will take time and patience. Keep looking ahead and make yourself vulnerable. Build confidence and self esteem. As you do, those anxieties should be expected to diminish. The timing is not necessarily controllable, but your actions can help it progress. The more you put yourself in vulnerable situations, the more confidence you may find you build.
Its projection to fantasize the straight people have it easy. As to "nagging anxiety & discomfort" - that is the human condition, my friend. It's probably a common fantasy to think that switching from one gender to another will solve everything, & make life a bowl of cherries. It won't! Life's not that simple. We still have to do the laundry, & all the other stuff. The only smart response to anxiety & discomfort is to search for meaning in our lives. While it's likely we'll never find it completely, it's in the searching that we encounter the threads of our lives that give meaning.
Absolutely! Anxiety, apprehension, shame, you name it (the list goes on and on). I was one big ball of confusion, like tangled wires meshed together. A lot of work on myself went into untangling the mess, and to be fair, that work continues (and will always continue). The journey is indefinite. Self acceptance is only the first part of the process. Take the time to work on yourself. No need to rush, but make sure your always pushing yourself forward.
