I think it's really odd that I see my partner every single day, but a bunch of (lovely) internet strangers know more about how I feel about our relationship than he does. I do feel really guilty about that, because I don't think I'm being fair to him. I do wonder what he'd think if he discovered my EC account. We really don't communicate. I have no idea about his feelings towards our relationship either. But, if I'm not happy and fulfilled, he can't be either really, can he? Every now and then, he'll talk about his feelings regarding something, like when our daughter was born, and I'll be reminded that he is actually a person. I've spent so much of our relationship caught up in my own world, with little issues, low-level resentment, and the relationship generally not being what I wanted it to be, that I seem to forget that. When I look back over our relationship I can't decided whether he's actually a not very nice guy, who's selfish, controlling, and inconsiderate, or if he's a fairly nice guy who I've misinterpreted, and who didn't stand a chance of meeting my ideas of what a relationship should be. I've made mistakes too, I know that. Poor communication being at the top of list. Anyway, not a question, just wanted to write it down.
it really helps writing things out, I've done it quite a few times here, start out with a question then by the time I'm done typing, I've figured out the answer (&&&)
WOW!! So this is sounding strangely familiar. I'm kinda living the same situation with my wife. I had, for MANY years, tried to tell her that she needs to do a better job of communicating her feelings with me. I'm not a mind-reader. Finally, it go to the point where I was ready to leave. So, I came out as trans to her assuming that we would separate. Little did I know, that is what it took for her to begin to communicate. We're still working things out. Very recently, I came to the realization that she wasn't intentionally not communicating with me, it's just that she cannot express her feelings. I mean literally she sat there bumbling and fumbling, telling me that even I would have trouble expressing what she is feeling. In which case I told her I wouldn't have any problems. She needs to see a therapist for many, many things. Now, we've discovered another reason for her to see one. Listen, here's the thing. You have said that, you, yourself, are not communicating with your partner. Well that's a start. In fact, it is one of the very few things that you have total control over. You have the ability to start the lines of communications, and make sure you keep them open. It sounds to me like you have a child together. Do you guys talk about what is going on in his/her life? It is beginning. Then just transition the conversation to you guys. Tell him that you have been feeling a little distance in your relationship and you are wondering if he is feeling the same. Don't get upset if it takes a couple of attempts before things start to open. And, as always, I recommend therapy for you guys. I hope this helps in some way. Good luck, and I am sending you a tremendous amount of good juju today!!!
I love it when people just write about what they are feeling - it's like I'm looking into a diary and more times than not, I see myself! Thanks for sharing your feelings, and slowly, the more you write them, the more understanding and courage you'll garner to possibly share that dialog with your loved one.
