My kitchen sink leaked, sexuality, and habits.

Funny, I just posted on another thread how I am a neat freak. Maybe this book can help me solve that!!

 

Yeah, acceptance is one thing but embracing and being proud is another. I've recently began telling myself "I'm want to be proud of who I am" That's a start; maybe meditating and envisioning a future where that's the case can provide direction.

Is it just a habit? or is there something deeper that triggers the habit? When you "put yourself down" do you feel you are disappointing others? Yourself? Just thinking out loud here, I have similar self-defeating thoughts.

 

Two things in that sentence struck me: Thinking everyone else or this guy or that guy has it better is universal. I fight through that wishing to be someone else thinking too. As cars drive by or I look in the sky at a plane and say "wonder where they're going. Wish I was going somewhere else; I bet their lives are better" Easy to fall in that trap.

And the evidence tells me otherwise. Everyone is battling demons and has or had troubles that mirror or are far worse than any I've had. We see that guy giving that girl a kiss; looks perfect but we don't know what hardships he's dealing with and more likely than not he's got them.

Reminds me of this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yAohHOHofc

Secondly, "normal" We may be more rare but we're normal. Part of accepting and being proud of who we are?

 

I'm not sure its you putting you down - but others are putting those thoughts in your head. Any idea who that might be? For me, figuring that out was the first step towards acceptance, - joyful acceptance.

 

I went through a similar process. After I healed my internalized homophobia/shame of being gay, I discovered that the behavior patterns associated with being in the closet did not magically go away. One of the big ones for me was being more open with others (since I was guarded while in the closet). I had to force myself to come out of my shell and disclose things about myself to others. So the process is to identify the no-longer-needed behavior patterns and replace them with new behavior patterns.

 

This sounds to me more like making yourself vulnerable, which leads to healing internalized homophobia and shame as compared to working on a habit. Wouldn't you think?

 

While you are correct that vulnerability about one's sexuality in particular leads to healing of IH/shame, I was still guarded in other areas of my life after my IH/shame was mostly healed, so additional work was required to get past this behavior pattern.

 

Ah, I see. Well, I am glad you got to a point where you feel your IH and shame are mostly healed. I think that will be a life long journey for me. I do feel confidant that I have learned to manage and understand the IH and shame, where they no longer interferes with my life. Not sure I will every be fully healed; they are a part of whom I am.

 

I would guess that we are probably in similar places. The self-loathing is gone and replaced with acceptance and love. I get to be gay! I still have pockets of IH here and there, and they are quickly obliterated when encountered.

---------- Post added 10th Aug 2016 at 12:47 PM ----------

Yes - my habit (behavior pattern) was not being open with others and sharing aspects of myself (beyond my sexuality). This habit persisted even after coming out and purging my IH/shame.

 

Growing old helps :lol: I'm at a point where I couldn't give a fuck what anyone else thinks of me. There's nothing they can do to harm me, and if they can't take me as I am, they're dead to me.

 

Not giving a fuck what others think is one way to try and mitigate things. For me, making this discussion back to habits, my habit is to always find a solution to whatever challenge is at hand.

Whether I am trying to solve a problem at work, dealing with a family issue, or my own personal journey, I have a habit of believing there is always a solution and doing whatever it takes to find that solution.

Well, that is an old habit of mine. I believe I have changed myself in such a way that I no longer need to find a solution. Sometimes, I am ok with things being just the way they are.

AS these habits relate to IH and Shame, I do not get bothered by what others think. I live a very open and very gay life. Even at work, which is an extremely male centric and conservative industry I am in, I walk proud and tall being whom I am.

That said, an emotional and mental foundation was established early on in life and it goes to whom I am today. So while I can be myself, I am proud, i do not second guess it, there are times where the emotions do and will come to the forefront - even if there was nothing at all to trigger them. Those times are farther and few in-between, and when they do happen, rather than let it impact my daily routine or my habits, I am able to quickly put them in perspective and move on.

At this point, my habit of always trying to find a solution has been placated, and I am fine with letting things just be.

 

I battle some of these things on a regular basis. I think it's a process in getting to a point where you not only accept yourself, but love and celebrate yourself, too.

One thing that has helped me a lot is creating a playlist on my phone with self-positive, sexuality-positive music. When I'm feeling down on myself, I listen to it, and it really helps lift me up.