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Disconnect with some friends after coming out/life changes

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by baristajedi, Aug 10, 2016.

  1. baristajedi

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    Do you guys feel that you are sort of having trouble maintaining certain friendships after coming out?

    I feel like I have certain friends in my life who are kind, good people but whom I don't really know quite well enough to share the things that are really big parts of my life right now, mainly coming out and separating. And I feel I need to spend much of my limited free time building my support network with those friends who are either in the LGBT community or the friends I have who know me so well they support me through anything.

    So as a result some of those friendships are just slipping to the side and I feel a bit like an asshole not maintaining those friendships; particularly with those who have kids my daughter knows or really likes.

    I don't know if I'm comsidering this a huge problem, I'm just sort of thinking about it at the moment because I'm feeling badly about not contacting a few specific friends for a while.

    Can anyone relate?
     
    #1 baristajedi, Aug 10, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2016
  2. OnTheHighway

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    Why is it a problem? Peoples lives constantly change and evolve. As they do, those we associate ourselves will change with it.

    It's human nature to associate ourselves with others with common interests, when those interest no longer are aligned, it's ok to search out for others where they do.

    Now, if you have life long friends, I am sure the dynamics are different; but I am referencing more of the everyday relationships we have as we go through life.
     
    #2 OnTheHighway, Aug 10, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2016
  3. Justasking100

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    I think it's a case of you having bigger fish to fry at the moment. If you are anything like me your sexuality questions are all consuming and sometimes friendships slip by. I'm sure if they knew what you were going thru they'd understand.
     
  4. baristajedi

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    I suppose the only problem is that I want to maintain friendships for my daughter with parents of kids she's already close with. i want to maintain a bit of her stability because I know big changes are coming for her with my (soon to be ex) husband and myself. So keeping up with those friends feels important.

    I just don't feel like chit chatting with those parents about the typical stuff at this point.

    Perhaps I should start trying to do some of the LGBT family stuff offered nearby....that could give us both a place to feel the connections we need?
     
  5. Justasking100

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    Given the big life change you are going thru chit chat doesn't seem that appealing does it? I get that totally.
     
  6. baristajedi

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    This is definitely true for me. I do think that they each may be quite understanding but I'm just not feeling like unloading this on each and every friend/acquaintance. So I just kind of let time go by without contacting them and then feel sort of bad about it...

    ---------- Post added 10th Aug 2016 at 01:58 AM ----------

    Exactly. Not appealing at all.
     
    #6 baristajedi, Aug 10, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2016
  7. OnTheHighway

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    There is a difference between chit chatting and friends.

    You need to do for your daughter whatever it is to maintain the status quo for her. And if that means chit chatting with her friends parents, then suck it up and chit chat. That does not mean you need to be friends with them.
     
  8. baristajedi

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    Yeah I suppose I will just have to push myself to make the time and effort to see them.
     
  9. ThatGirlShauna

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    For your kids' sake you probably just have to push through and see those people.

    I have lost friends since coming out, and since the knowledge of my ending marriage has been spread around. These are just people who aren't comfortable with my sexuality, so I don't really care that much. They weren't true friends to begin with.

    But acquaintances are different, especially if you need to maintain that connection so your kids can still see their friends. It's tough, but just think of it as a sacrifice to make for your kids. Like so many other things, haha.
     
  10. Poppy43

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    I'd just be polite and do the basics for the sake of your daughter. Most likely these parents cant be bothered either with that much small talk as many of them will have stuff going on as well.