I'm sure this will have been done before, but it's something I've been thinking about. For those of you who are gay, what was sex with the opposite-sex like? At first I was interested in sex with my partner, but I never desired it as such. Probably way TMI, but I have always struggled to even get close to orgasm. I suppose there's nothing exciting about it. My mind drifts to other things. I used to find it really frustrating, but now it's more boring. I'd rather sleep or get it over quickly, than spend 40-50 minutes chasing an orgasm that probably won't happen.
I've been thinking about this a bit more, and don't read this if you don't want to, I'm just trying to gather my own thoughts. I suppose one issue is that I've never been good at communicating with my partner during sex. But, then I think, why I am not comfortable with it, and is it a personality thing? The other thing is, when I think back, sex wasn't always so goal oriented as it is now. It's always been frustrating, but there have been occasions when my enjoyment hasn't bothered me so much. Probably because I wasn't feeling horny at the time. I can also remember feeling that sex was something we should be doing as a couple, so that's probably why I went along with it a bit more, but it wasn't unenjoyable in the way it is now. I suppose it was fun in the same way that doing anything together was fun, like going on a day out or something. But, it's not been the bonding experience that I envisioned sex to be before entering our relationship.
From my experience. It depends on the person I was with. I did enjoy sex with females once I got going but I was more often than not not bothered about having it. That sounds awful looking back. ---------- Post added 10th Aug 2016 at 08:34 AM ---------- But I'm also not quite yet fully comfortable with having sex with a guy either and hoping that will come.
I enjoyed the sex I've had with the few women I've encountered, but this gradually waned as I got older, to the point where I was continuously surprised that my "equipment" worked when (with diminishing frequency) the time came...so to speak. You spoke of communication. The outspoken Dan Savage once commented that gay sex was better than straight sex for one important reason: straight sex is obvious, part A goes into part B, no questions asked. Whereas gay sex has many more, um, possibilities...it therefore requires a minimum amount of communication to know each other's preferences. Continuing to do so over time allows for discussions on rather intimate subjects that straight couples too often avoid.
When I identified as straight, I enjoyed sex and the release with the opposite sex. I was probably able to fool myself because I'm a Kinsey 5 and had a strong desire to be "normal." Now that I identify as gay, in hindsight after having sexual encounters with men, sex with the opposite sex seems more like a hookup, namely, primarily a physical release. Sex with women did not have the emotional depth or vulnerability that I experience with guys because (a) I was in denial/the closet so I could not share my true self and (b) my emotional energy responds better when with another guy. I did not really know what I was missing until I had sex with a guy I cared about, and then I discovered how sex should be :wow: :thewave: (!) (!!)
For a long time sex with my wife was OK. She had some issues but we were able to overcome them. Since I've come out to myself it has not been good....
I always enjoyed sex with the two women I was in LTRs with. We had a real emotional bond and that made me enjoy being with them entirely. Getting aroused was easy, and I particularly enjoy getting my partner off, regardless of who that is. The only time I ever thought of a guy while having sex with a woman was when things were particularly bad with my recent partner, and the emotional connection just wasn't as strong. It's actually part of what worries me/makes me think the towel is thrown in with that relationship. We haven't had sex in months (for good reason) and now it feels like doing it would be...weird. I've never had an interest in hooking up with a girl, and if I end up never sleeping with a girl again, I think I'd be content.
I have only had dry sex and fingering with the opposite sex. The dry sex was fun, since back then I thought I liked men. But it's NOTHING like doing it with a woman. Men make me feel bored. I'm not trying to be mean, because men are attractive. It's just that I prefer women so much more. Ever since I turned 14 and got my first kiss from a woman, I never looked back. I'm 25 now and I still feel this way.
At what age did most of you men sleep with women? Had to fantasized primary about women up until that point? Just wondering as this makes my own questioning that much more difficult.
Hmm, well I was not too successful on a few casual encounters with women, which I mostly chalked up to nerves and inexperience. Although, that was also true with my first one night stand with a guy. And since soon after then I've been in an emotional relationship with a guy. So, maybe that is nerves? And with my ex wife and previous ltr both, it was enjoyable mostly. I do know I was thinking about other stuff though...like if a guy had suddenly appeared I would not have complained. Haha
This exactly describes how sex was when I married hetero. The only time I was truly turned on was when I was excited about trying to get pregnant. The rest of the time, it was boring or unfulfilling.
These thoughts are all very helpful for me. Like many here, I have had some enjoyable experiences with my wife. I have been with a few other women and it is only ok. As I have had those enjoyable experiences, I have convinced myself that I am bi and that I just can hold that part of me inside. But maybe that isn't really the case. The more I come out to myself, the more I want to be with men. In the past year, sex with my wife has gotten awkward. It was never all that frequent but now it almost never occurs. I have completely stopped initiating. Sadly, I would rather watch gay videos or chat with men online. I lover her so much but I think I would be fine never having sex with a woman if I could romantically and sexually have a man in my life. The discussion of sex and coming out is interesting. At some level, I hear a lot about being gay is more than just sex. I totally get that. Not having a romantic connection with another man feels like a loss to me - an absence. Sometimes, I don't know if I can separate that feeling of loss with other aspects in life. I am guessing straight married couples feel such things often - this gnawing sense that something is missing (What if I married someone else? What if I had a better job? What if I lived in better city?) However, the sexual DESIRE for another man is this intense force that just consumes me at times. It is nearly impossible to deny. Watching videos or having that fantasy take over feels so unstoppable at times for me. I am starting to think this must mean I am gay.
Glad you said that. I can relate to this. When I envisioned my future, I always knew that I wanted children, but wasn't overly bothered about being married. Having children was always more important. ---------- Post added 11th Aug 2016 at 03:47 PM ---------- I can relate to this feeling. It's one of the reasons why I wouldn't consider an open relationship with my current partner. Other than it not really being for me anyway. I can relate to this too, but for women. Since I've allowed myself to think about women, I seem to have a much higher sex drive, but I don't feel it towards my partner. For me, I find that fantasies about men require me to think a lot, where as with fantasies about women, my mind just runs with it.
I agree with many of these posts completely. When I identified as straight, sex with my wife was great. I had no issues (that I was willing to acknowledge!!) with performance or stray thoughts. I came out to myself two years ago, and my sex life with my wife plummeted quickly. I found I was no longer able to sustain an erection during lovemaking, and that just led to even more self criticism and self loathing. For me, having successful sexual relations with a woman made me feel like a "man." It only added to my identification of being straight and furthered my denial. Once I could no longer be in denial after coming out to myself, that's when it all came crashing down and became unfulfilling sexually.
I found it emotionally unconnected - I always felt it was them and I now realise it was me - I used to think about women a lot and try not to because I felt guilty and wrong ... Always feeling empty afterwards In hindsight it's all so obvious but it wasn't at the time Boring yep I used to find it so - not always but many times -- studying ceilings is quite boring ! I am so relieved to not be ever having opposite sex sex again -- Onto pastures new Don't settle for putting yourself through this it robs one of dignity and self respect and doesn't respect the other person either
