...that I've been questioning my sexuality, that I think I might prefer women, and therefore I think we should consider splitting up? Or, can I just talk about our other relationship issues? Is that cowardly? Has anyone done it that way? I think that it might be less of a blow, but I don't want to give him the impression that I'm keen to work on our relationship. He'll find out eventually, so I suppose it's best it does come from me, but I could tell him after we've split. I think I know what you're going to say... I suppose what's on my mind is, if he were to confront me about my lack of interest in sex, for example, which he has picked up on, then how much do I tell him?
In the short-term (next 6 months-ish), yes. I'm financially dependent on him, so would be relying on his goodwill. But, on the other hand, I think he's perceptive enough to work out that something's not right now, and therefore work out how long I've actually been questioning for, if it comes out at a later date.
The rule I usually suggest here is... what would you want if the roles were reversed? Would you want your partner to withhold this information from you? If the answer is no, then you owe it to him to tell him. There's no easy way to have this conversation, and, quite honestly, probably no way to not have it hurt. And I think in most cases, putting it out, gently and kindly, but completely honestly, is usually the best option.
I just want to add... My partner and I don't have a share everything, talk about everything relationship, which if we did, I might have discussed this towards the beginning of my questioning. I feel that if circumstances were different (i.e. I was financially independent), now would be the point where I would be having the big talk with him. Because I know I can't really do that, I lose sight of the seriousness of the decision that I'm making because I'm not facing the immediate reality. I'm also locked in a cycle of doubts, questioning the reality of my feelings, etc., because without my partner knowing, I can't take active steps towards acceptance. I guess I feel stuck in limbo, and the more I think about it, the more I think that I can't tell him, can't start a new life, etc. In some ways I think it would be easier to just get it over with, rather than go over it in my head again and again. I suppose there's nothing I can do, so I'll just have to forget about it for now. ---------- Post added 11th Aug 2016 at 07:57 PM ---------- Thank you, Chip. That's a good way of looking at it. I suppose if the roles were reversed, and he were financially dependent on me, I would want to know because I wouldn't want to be living in a false relationship, or having sex with somebody who didn't want to have sex with me. And I wouldn't want to find that out months down the line either, so...I'll think about it.
I think you should tell him but I know that's easier said than done. Will you definitely not be dependent on him in 6 months? If you are certain then maybe you could wait until then, but then again if you are having sex and not wanting to the strong and right thing to do for you not for him is to be honest in my opinion. But being strong and doing the right thing are not easy - I know! I thought my husband knew from the start I liked women but when I told him more recently that I'd been thinking a lot about it and I'd maybe like to be out about it he was shocked- he thought it was something I just said regularly to titillate him over the years!! So direct and open and brutally honest is probably to be preferred. Good luck. I hope you can find the wisdom and strength to make the choices and pick the timings which are right for you.
