I mean, I can choose whether or not to act on it, but I can't actually choose who I'm attracted to and what turns me on, can I? I actually googled "hot guys" this evening to see whether I was attracted to any of them. I've never done that before in my life!! What's wrong with me? Even when I thought I was straight, I wasn't physically attracted to guys. I never had pictures of them on my wall or anything. What did I think was going to happen? :bang:
Thanks, Rose. I seem to lose sight of the fact I don't have a choice sometimes. As if I can forget all about it and happily go back to straight.
You can choose to live in the closet but I don't believe you can choose your orientation. Sometimes the difficulty lies in figuring out your orientation. Being in the closet and married to an opposite gender spouse has only worked when I was in denial. I found that after accepting that I was gay it really prevented me from going back into denial and was the first step in my coming out. That's been my experience.
There's a type of conditioning where you can basically try to reformulate what you're attracted to and also use it to change your feelings on any matters/issues but it can be very dangerous and I certainly advise against it, generally speaking. As far as attraction is concerned, you are what you are. IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU BAD, EVIL OR DIRTY TO LIKE PEOPLE OF THE SAME SEX, PERIOD. Don't let society or anyone that you know tell you that it does. If they do, ditch them, immediately.
Thank you. I wasn't planning on trying to change anything. It was more about my approach and mindset with regards to questioning. Probably wasn't clear.
Like others here have said NotMyName, you are destined to be queer for life. You are one of the chosen ones. I never had any pictures up either, until I realized it might be weird that I don't so I put up one which I thought looked cool. I am into photography and I liked the photograph, but not the guy in it (Brad Pitt) so it was a good compromise. I got into play fights with my ex about it all the time because I thought it was gross when he thought I was attracted to Brad Pitt. When I came out to my ex one of the first things I said was "See? Not attracted to Brad Pitt!!" :lol: Avril Lavigne has now taken Brad's place. As far as I know there is no conversion therapy that works. If you know of any actual scientific studies with evidence to the contrary I would be very interested in seeing that. I mean unbiased ones not in any way affiliated with any religious group.
:lol: I did buy a postcard of Colin Firth as Mr Darcy, but I didn't put it up on my wall. I put up one with quotes from Pride and Prejudice instead.
Yep, this is very much how I have spent the past 16 years of my life. It's not easy to live with pretending to be something you're not, either. You can stay in the closet, but this really isn't something you can change about yourself. Not in reality, anyway. It will always come back around.
Thank you, ThatGirlShauna. That pretty much sums up my thinking; I can choose to ignore it, but it's never going to go away. So, I guess I need to change my approach; less time dwelling on it, and more focus on what I'm going to do. I am terrified, but I feel like I have to do something, despite all things I'm worried about. It won't last, but at this moment, I'm feeling relatively clear headed.
For me, once I had a clear objective in my mind, I was able to stop the negativity about coming out with a continuous reminder that though it will be difficult, I must see this through to the end. Coming out to someone I knew would be supportive first, and then adding to that incrementally over time has been a huge help to me. Each coming out has increased my self confidence. I'm now out to about 10 people. Every one of them has been supportive (of course I chose them because I knew they would be). You probably have at least one person who you already know will support you. I suggest coming out to that person. I would bet that you will gain confidence in that experience.
Thanks, Imgay47, that's really helpful. I have been thinking about it over the last couple days, and I have a few friends in mind. Nobody that I see often though, but that might be a good thing.
