I need help figuring this out. Lesbian dating is super new to me. Is this girl just messing with me? Does she actually like me, but is too shy? What is going on? So I met this girl and before her I was not out. I had no clue she was gay, but I could totally tell she liked me, it was super obvious. I thought it was more like she admired me or something, I thought nothing of it. I had a crush on her, but assumed she was straight. Later she told me she liked me and I told her I liked her. She invited me out, but it was during the day and super normal. We were behaving like friends. It was also super short! I felt like she wanted it to be over soon! After that she has just been treating me like a friend. She is acting super different, she does not seem as into me as she was before I told her I liked her and we went out. She does not text me. I just don't know what has been going on? Is she scared? Does she want me to make a move? Is this new to her? I had NO clue she was gay so maybe this is new? But why is she not giving me any hints she wants me to take this farther? Seriously every time we hang out it is just super normal and no mention that we both like each other! It also seems like now she is ignoring me, but when I invite her out alone she is totally cool. I can't read this girl! Does she like me or not? I will back off if she changed her mind, but WHY would she tell me she likes me in the first place!? I did not pursue her first, she did! I don't know what to do this girl is driving me nuts! Is she just liking the attention? Is she just stringing me along? Is she just scared? Is she new to this? I don't want to confront her because I feel like I will scare her away. Maybe she does not want anything serious and wants to take it real slow. Is it normal to tell someone "I like you", go out with them and then only become friends for a long time? I am really afraid she does not like me anymore, but why mess with me like this?
Do you get the impression it took a lot of guts on her part to tell you she liked you? Maybe she's just a bit emotionally spent and needs to recover a little before she "exposes" herself again. Does she respond when you reach out? Maybe just go slow and steady for now. Initiate conversations and suggest get togethers/dates but not a full court press, if you know what I mean. See if she responds positively then see if you can bring up your concerns casually in conversation. I'd bet she's not messing with you. She's just navigating her way like everybody else.
I've thought I've liked people in a more than platonic way, only to hang-out with them and not feel that way anymore. That has gone for when I've admired people, too. The feelings eventually subsided and that was that. I have stayed friends with some, never it being my intention to string them along. I'd say, since it would be impossible to garner exactly what she is thinking, is to accept that you can only control your own behaviors and reactions. Are you okay as-is? Is it more than friendship or bust? Also, when we focus on one person, it can seem a much bigger situation than it is. My suggestion would be not to put all of your eggs in one basket and associate with others. I do completely understand the curiosity as to how she feels about you, because I drove myself bonkers trying to figure someone out (last year) only realize I was doing it all to myself.
Hmm it was over text, but I guess it could have been a lot for her to reveal she liked me. Also she had no clue I was gay either. She is not the open book type of person where as I am. I kinda wear my heart on my sleeve. Maybe I am just frustrated because it is hard to reach her. She does respond when I reach out though. Also, we are in the same circle of friends so it's hard to not see her. If this goes bad I am wondering if that plays a part in her wanting to take it slow? I REALLY like this girl! I hope you are right. Maybe I am just getting paranoid because I don't want to lose her, I really want this to turn into something. Yeah, thanks for the advice! I guess am just going to take it slow even though it is really hard for me. ---------- Post added 14th Aug 2016 at 02:04 PM ---------- Maybe I am just reading too deeply into this. I don't know if I am okay "as-is"? I guess I can be, eventually. It's just that I would REALLY prefer to be more than friends with her because I just REALLY like her a lot. My big thing is I just really need to know how she feels so I can just work on forgetting her if she is not that into me.
It's quite possible that she's having the exact same thoughts. How about reassuring her a little bit? Boosting her confidence just a smidge? She took the first step, after all. Why don't you take the second?
I am not putting the blame on you but I'm considering a mistake I would make and wondering if you made it, you probably didn't seeing as I'm socially awkward. When you two went out did you act around her like it was just a friend thing? Did you flirt, or tease, or anything to kind of tip towards a relationship? If not she may think that you're not too sure of yourself so is leaving you to make a move because she may be feeling uncertain
So what exactly is the next step? I'm really new to all this and kinda nervous. Also, I don't want to come in too strong and push her away. Honestly, I'm just really scared she does not like me anymore, but it could just all be in my head. ---------- Post added 15th Aug 2016 at 04:44 AM ---------- Well, I was acting like a friend around her just the same way I interacted with her before. No flirting or anything. I feel like she did not give me a chance to shift gears just because it felt really short. Like, I guess I just did not get enough time. I am slow to warm up so I guess we just need to do something that will give us more time together. It's just because I already knew her so I guess I felt awkward just behaving differently out of nowhere.
Honestly, I would just talk to her. Tell her you liked spending time with her and would like to again, but tell her that you're left feeling unsure if she still likes you or if she would rather just back out (and tell her that it is okay if she feels that way and that you have no hard feelings). I've been on both ends of this type of situation. Someone I thought I really liked, I had no chemistry in person with, and it was hard to back out. Additionally, someone I really liked, felt like she backed out after we met in person. Sometimes just an honest conversation can clear things up.
