So my husband and I were walking back from brunch yesterday. We passed an attractive thirty-something guy. He was freshly scrubbed, muscular and sporty, basically looked like he ran out of an A&F catalogue despite being about ten to fifteen years older than those guys. He smiled and said hi as he passed. His greeting seemed like how you greet someone you know so we turned to each other to figure out which one of us knew him. We figured out that neither of us knew him, it was just a sort of "sisterhood" thing. We walked on a couple of paces and pretty much as one turned to each other and said "thirty years ago did you ever think that that would be what gay looked like?" It wasn't just that a guy could look like that and be gay it was that to both of us that look registered as gay. It wasn't an exception it was one of the rules. So it got me thinking about how much both what gay looks like and how I think about what gay looks like has changed over the years. Anyone have any similar thoughts or experiences?
Absolutely. I believe now that the changing image of what "gay" looks like is directly related to my ability to identify with being gay. When I originally went into the closet, part of the reason was the lack of role models and not seeing anything that looked like me. That was pre-Internet so if TV, movies and print media didn't show gay as normal, everyday people, and only showed gay as fringe, it's no wonder I couldn't identify.
I don't think there is any stereotypical 'look' any more. The gay people i've met are as indistinguishable from the general population as anyone else - the only thing i've noticed is gay men are much more likely to give you a kiss upon saying hello - even on the lips which i think is over the top!! i don't even buy into the 'look' as i've met many poorly dressed gay folk... my straight friends are quite metrosexual and could easily be dressed smartly or have that 'look' you refer to.......
See, but I think even that shows how far the image has come and how popularly engrained it has become, because when you really think about it metrosexual is a way of saying straight guys who seem gay--in my experience you can still tell the difference though... I just think it's so funny that when I was in high school thirty years ago and desperately didn't want to be gay I would look at a certain type of guy and think "I don't want to be gay, I want to be like them," and now most of the guys I know who are "like them" are also gay.:lol: I mean in a sense I guess it makes sense. Apparently I wasn't the only one who thought that and when we all grew up we went out and became that guy... It's just interesting.
Presumably the guy was able to recognize you both as gay as well! :icon_wink My boyfriend and I marched in yesterday's Pride Parade here in Montreal. It starts at the western-most part of downtown and ends near the Gay Village, nearer to the eastern edge of the city-center. Historically, this has also mirrored the English/French divide (less so now). My BF noticed one thing as we marched and approached the eastern part of downtown, the crowd seemed more and more gay as we got closer to the Village. His gaydar is more finely tuned than mine, but I noticed the same thing after he pointed it out. So interesting that, at the start, we attracted a considerable number of seemingly straight people, of all races, sexes and religions. I can definitely say that ours is probably the biggest and most exciting of the parades that happen in town. Who looks gay? A lot of subtle and not so subtle things: fade haircuts are a definite thing, as are skinny jeans or tight-fitting shorts, short-sleeved open-front collared shirts with the sleeves tastefully rolled up are another. As for the obvious, well...let's just say that leather is a very definitive statement in my town when it comes to displaying one's sexuality, another dead giveaway is a guy with his BF in his arms...
Are you ever right about that. I used to live in one of those big urban places, with hordes of metrosexuals and those "straight acting" gym bunnies that ya know just have to be gay. Then I moved to a more rural area. The incredible surprise was the number of pickup-driving rednecks, and half a dozen other "types," who frequently enough turned out to be gay. More frequently than you might ever imagine. It boils down to those who wish to advertise, or those who have no choice but to advertise. That latter group often included people who were picked on in school, then and now (a read through this forum will convince anyone of that). Oh, like most others I once felt I had the knack to pick out the guys who were probably gay. That never really worked out, although I persist in the that there probably is some kind of "gaydar," that other people have.
I am on holiday in Central America. My Partner and I, along with some of our friends, went to a local gay bar after dinner. If I were walking on the street, most of the guys there would have looked like any other guy on the street. There were a few stereotypical gay types, a few trans, but for the most part, everyone seemed to blend in. And everyone was happy. Maybe that is the way it is where I am visiting, but no one seemed to have any hang ups or chips on their shoulders. Even at dinner, guys were approaching some of the friends we were with and being openly effectionate with no issues whatsoever. Not at all what I was expecting in Central America. Oh, and even I am leaving my clothes on the floor at this point!
Interesting thread. I never paid any attention for most of my life to trying to determine who might be gay and who isn't since I was bi and closeted. It sort of didn't matter to me if a guy I found attractive could be gay. Now, as I am looking for gay and bi men to interact with, I am finding I cannot determine if a guy is gay by appearances. Maybe guys that want to look the stereotypical part. If he looks at my butt...that's a clue! Yesterday I met a guy that did look and act very gay. I got into it too with him in public. I am the stereotypical "straight" guy. I shocked the s$$t out of him when I kissed him in public! Thing is, I don't think anyone around us at the bar even noticed or if they did they didn't care. Off topic. This was a milestone event for me. I am trying to be able to share some affection for my male friends in public. So far I haven't done this in front of anyone that I know of. My wife is looking forward with humor when I get caught and tattled on. Her reply will be "nick was either being gay or European...I hate it when he's French"
