I feel like as I have become more comfortable with my sexuality I have started to care less what people think of me. This has always been a problem for me in the past, to the extent that I might not have said or done something because of what people might think. It's a small example, but I posted something on Facebook the other day which I would never have posted before. It's what I truly believe and I thought, if people don't like the fact that this is my opinion, them they are not the sort of friends I want to have anyway. Is this acceptance? Can anyone relate?
It sounds like great progress. I can relate to this: I'm not confident about giving my opinion on almost anything in real life.
It's acceptance and also things becoming "normal" for you, which is great. I'm experiencing some of the same things. To those that I've been out to for a couple of months now, it's just really normal now. In other areas of my life, like FB, or wearing a PrideFest t-shirt to the store, it's not as big a deal anymore. This is good. Best to you, Dirtyshirt! I always enjoy reading your posts, I've learned from you too.
Dirtyshirt I kissed one of my casual gay friends in public the other day. We had a great conversation over a beer and I leaned over and gave him a long kiss. This was in my small town and could easily have been witnessed by someone I know. And, I didn't care. I kiss my female friends so why not?
Thank you Adray! That is really nice of you to say. I've enjoyed reading yours too, since we are in similar situations. Glad we have all made some progress! That is awesome Nick! I take it your wife is totally cool with that? Is he a fwb? I think I would like this sort of situation if my husband agrees to it. I think it is really inspiring that you told your wife after so many years of marriage, I think it would have been so easy not to say anything! ---------- Post added 17th Aug 2016 at 08:29 PM ---------- I feel like I have a way to go until I'm totally 'out' and happy but feel like I'm made a series of small steps in the right direction!
[/QUOTE] When my wife and I decided I could fool around, she suggested the limits. So, I am staying in those. Kissing is O.K. This guy was sort of a "hookup"...we did some fooling around...not a FWB although we have started hanging out and doing some activities. More like part of a group of gay guys I am getting to know. It is a small community and a lot of the gay guys know each other and I am becoming part of that. I kiss a number of my female friends. It was sort of like that. I am going to be a little nervous when I do something with one of these guys and my wife (not like a sexual thing...more like biking or hiking) and we kiss when we meet. Dirtyshirt. My wife and I are a lot older. When we look at what we want out of the next 20 to 25 years of our lives it is to make each other happy. That's it. The ONLY issue in our marriage is our vastly different sex drives. My wife told me a couple days ago that she is so relieved that I can get my needs fulfilled from men rather than from other women. I am pretty sure this would not have worked 20 years ago.
Nick, would you share with us what those limits are? As a married man myself, I'm interested in knowing how those who choose to stay married to their wives manage to have a fulfilling sex life with men and stay married as well. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the idea, but it does make me wonder what other possibilities are there that I haven't considered.
No anal sex. No oral sex with someone who isn't tested for STD's that I do not know well. So, in other words, I can play around casually with guys I don't know as well (HJ's, kissing, massage, showers, nibbling (as my wife puts it)). I asked her to clarify with examples (this was a lot of fun!). The thing we haven't worked out yet is the frequency or the number of partners. I never considered this as a potential issue. The problem I am having now is that I have too many potential "friends". This is worrisome on a number of levels (risk, emotions, drama) I was figuring an old guy like me would have trouble finding anyone so I over did my networking I think. The other thing we are doing is being sure that my wife and I are intimate at least once a week. We are also much more intimate on non-sexual levels (touching, kissing, massaging). I am pretty sure this arrangement would not work for a gay man. I am stopping short of real intimacy with my friends. My deal with my playmates is that we are just friends that like to make our friends happy. To be honest, I have no idea how all this is going to work out. I know my wife and I will be O.K.; but, I don't know about maintaining long term relationships with other guys at this level and I don't know if I like the idea of too many partners. My wife is open to a real boyfriend. But, that is something I have no idea at this time how it could work or if I would want to risk it.
