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Gay after nearly 50 years of marriage??

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Srbimom, Aug 15, 2016.

  1. Srbimom

    Srbimom Guest

    These same sex desires come in such strong waves sometimes. I came out to my wife as bi, but times like now I feel I may still be lying to myself...

    One difference I 'cling' to is that in my younger years I don't remember being attracted to guys until I was in my 40s. "I was only curious" LOL... I was imprinted by an experience with an older boy when I was going through puberty. He showed my how to masturbate. Very strong image..

    So how do I figure out if I'm gay?

    Wife is awake. gotta' go.
     
  2. LostInDaydreams

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    Could the strong waves be because you're finally letting yourself feel something you've previously repressed?

    There's no easy answer. Keep questioning. It just takes time.

    What do you want in your future? Do you feel desire towards women?
     
  3. Justasking100

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    Who do you feel attracted to? By that I mean the physical pull towards, something that you can't quite explain? At least what I've started to experience.
     
  4. Nickw

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    As a bisexual, I find the level of my attractions to vary over time. Always have had the desires for both sexes though. You may have repressed your desires for men because you did not want to be gay. If that is the case I suppose you could be gay and just now beginning to accept it. That self acceptance could really amp up your urges.

    Maybe get some counseling to get someone to help you walk through this. But, would the knowledge your Kinsey number is higher change anything about the way you live your life? As a bisexual, I have found that I must be able to express the gay part of my sexuality. Your need to do that after so many years may make that pretty urgent.
     
    #4 Nickw, Aug 16, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2016
  5. Srbimom

    Srbimom Guest

    I do feel some level of attraction/arousal when encountering an attractive woman. My wife and I can be beautifully intimate, but only when I feel she is accepting of my orientation.

    After she senses or otherwise suspects I have had some gay time she be comes withdrawn and disengaged. Several days later she may be able to 'forget' about it and we become close again. We then begin having a loving relationship again.

    I'm going to admit something very personal here. I'm not sure I have ever been strongly / romantically attracted to my wife. I love her dearly, but I feel my attraction to her may have been for other reasons. At this stage of our lives I don't feel turning our backs on 47 years of marriage is even smart.

    Maybe worth noting is that I don't fantasize about woman (ie. porn). It is now exclusively about men.

    I am a bit embarrassed posting all this when I happen to think about my age. Who can relate to a granpa sexually, or even cares.

    I do appreciate the kind people, words and advice that I have received in this column, but I'm not sure I can keep posting.

    Thanks everyone.
     
  6. Justasking100

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    Hey Srbimom, well done you for admitting something to yourself, its not easy at any age. whats stopping you continuing posting? there are loads of people on here who can offer advice...
     
  7. Nickw

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    Sribimom

    You are only a decade or so older than I am. In 10 or 15 years, I have no intention of not being sexual or having sexual urges and fantasies. I have done everything I can healthwise to make that possible.

    I fully expect to be having gay and straight sex at 70. And if I cannot I fully expect to be appreciative of the sexuality of others. Why should we put an expiration date on our sexuality? I recently met an 80 plus guy who just came out. Pretty cool in my view.
     
  8. Eab91

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    I was in the same position as you, I had came out to my husband as Bisexual about 5 years ago, I felt like I liked women and men 50/50 then it slowly went to women 60% and men 40% then 80/20. Now I have no desire for men at all. I think I just finally found myself. Now the hard part is going to be accepting myself completely and completely coming out.