I think my preference for women is strong enough to make any attraction I have had towards men negligible, so (right now) I feel that gay/lesbian is probably the most accurate expression of my orientation. At the moment, at least, I'm feeling fairly clear headed. I'm not going around in circles, which I hope will last for a little while. It feels right. I think I've been on the verge of drawing this conclusion for a few weeks. I want to keep this fairly short, so put simply; I was thinking over the weekend about my past crushes on guys, and men in general, and I just can't envision myself kissing another man. To be honest, I've never been into kissing (or anything else) with my current partner. Anyway, (TMI warning) my partner and I had sex last night, and it's apparent that I'm rapidly running out of time. I've got to get some work done!!
This is a huge step! And it's such a relief to have a clearer sense of self. How are you feeling about coming to this understanding? Btw welcome to the gay side, we have cookies ride: :thewave:
Thanks, barista! I love cookies! :icon_bigg Better in some ways and worse in others. The next year or so is going to be pretty hard going I guess, which you probably know better than me. Either way, I don't think my partner and I have a 'forever' relationship anyway, so best get it over with sooner than later. Terrifying!
It's amazing how when we decide to allow that gay/lesbian label the attraction we thought we had for aan disappears without that hetero normative cloak. My "one guy" had lost all power over me as soon as I accepted my lesbian label. Not that labels are necessary for all, I just like mine.
Thanks for sharing. I guess misery loves company- I'm totally at the same place as you with the married sex... not sure I can do it anymore. Last couple of times have been pretty awkward.
LostInDaydreams, I always bump into your posts I can really relate to them ... as a gay male at least I read this:: and other than a little gender editing, i could have wrote it. but the different genders (I am male you and baristajedi are not) make me think that this isn't a hormone or male thing - it's about accepting ourselves. I also read all your posts about being apprehensive about it... honestly I don't want to be gay.... but on the other hand if the fantasy is anything like it would really be than it's who I am .
In my 47 year life so far, I've spent far too long thinking that I don't want to be gay. The bitter feeling of unfairness was extremely strong in my 13 and 14-year old mind and I believe I carried those feelings into the closet with me. I started to come out only after I reached complete acceptance within myself in being gay. Acceptance for me means that I acknowledge that I'm gay, and I'm at peace in my heart that I'm a good person - who happens to be gay. If you can separate your self respect from your orientation it will go a long way towards inner peace. At least it did for me. That doesn't mean that I'm not scared as I continue my coming out, but I know I'm going to do it despite my fears. Each coming out to another person just adds to my self respect, no matter their reaction.
Thank you for your replies. They're really helpful. findingjoy, I find that I can relate to your posts too.