Hi! I'm new here as a member but have been visiting this site for a while now. I have been struggling with my sexuality for many years. I started dating my husband when I was 19 yrs. old & was married with a child by the time I was 21. When I met my husband I let him know that I was bi & he was ok with that. Shortly after our marriage I came to the conclusion that I was lesbian & not bi( I did not share this information with my husband) , but never acted on my feelings out of respect for the vows I took. Don't get me wrong we had our ups & downs (he admitted to having at least one affair, but I have proof of many more....the affairs all happened about 4 yrs ago). Fast-forward after being married for 16 yrs........my husband passed away in June. I loved my husband & would give anything to have him back. However I know that at such a young age I hope to find love again (definitely not anytime soon though), but when I do I know it will definately be with a woman. I'm worried about how my husband's family & our 3 kids & my 3 grown stepkids would feel if I were to oneday (years down the road) meet & share my life with a woman. I am considering going to a lgbt support group meeting at the end of this month (not to meet anyone but just to be around like minded people), but am really nervous because I am not out to anyone & the meeting is the same night my kids would be at church with my sister in law. So if tell her Im going to a support group she's going to assume it's grief support. I'm sorry this post seems to be all over the place.....I just can't seem to keep my thoughts in order. I look forward to posting more & getting to know everyone!
Hi Texasgirl! Welcome to EC, this is a great place. You've been through a lot, and condolences on your loss. You sound like you've got a good start on a new direction, the next part of your life. I think reaching out for LGBT support is a great idea. Also, take your time and do a lot of reading, posting here, etc., I know that has been really helpful for me (and many others). When you do someday find a new love that is same-sex, your kids and family should be happy for you. There really is nothing wrong with same-sex orientation (despite what our society may sometimes say), and your happiness should be the most important thing for those in your family and life. I'm glad you're here, good on you for posting.
Thanks for posting your story. Those of us who begin this coming out journey Later in Life often have children and a spouse. I'm so sorry your spouse died. I hope that you have a feeling of pride that you were honest with your spouse about your orientation as you knew it when you got married. Many of us in the closet didn't do that and have the added guilt of dishonesty. Your post indicates you might feel some guilt there, but you were much more honest than me. I am coming out to my children Saturday after next, August 27th. I'll let you know how it goes.
Welcome to EC. A support group might be a good idea. If you can't go in person, many of us use this as our support group. As you move forward, it's normal to worry about those around you, but remember being true to yourself is what's best for everyone. Strong relationships aren't built on lies, they're built on honesty and trust. In order to have that with your kids, they eventually need to know. As I'm sure they love you, they will adjust and learn to accept you with a woman. Mine have just been introduced to my girlfriend recently, after talking about it for a while, and they have been amazing. Last night she helped them with homework while I cooked and for the first time ever I felt like this is exactly what my family should look like. Everything felt right. I hope you get to that point, too.
Welcome to EC! It sounds like you are starting off with the right steps, going to a support group and meeting other LGBT folks. Take it one step at a time. When you are ready to share it with your kids, have a frank conversation with them, and give them time to process the information. I'm so sorry for your loss of your husband. It seems you have a good sense of what you need in your future. Don't lose sight of yourself; it's important to consider your needs and to remember to take care of yourself. Keep reading and posting here, this is a very supportive place.
