So. Just checking. My experience is didn't realise till age 21 I was gay. My teenage fantasises were all about women and having sex with them, but I never thought I was gay until then. Has anyone heard of someone in deep denial like this. When I did realise it kinda made sense. Though I was so depressed about it the doc said it was OCD (yeh I know you've heard this one before). But that was also a diagnosis by a consultant psych - after all I was always having relationships with women and refusing to entertain that I was gay, even though fantasising about guy post age 21 on the few occasions I let myself was pleasurable, and more pleasurable than when I thought about women. This is still generally the case. Though I can be aroused about women, it is a little 'meh'. Also interactions with women have often left me low and depressed. Does this ring true to anyone you know or have seen on here. All I read is people who were consciously fantising about men in their teens, even though they denied it to themselves that they were even doing it. Can anyone share a similar story or have had an EC user go through the same thing?
I think it's entirely possible for people to have latent feelings towards the same sex; feelings that can hardly be perceived up until a certain point in time. Sometimes the awareness grows in a fairly organic way, other times it will be triggered by something, or someone. Whilst some people enter into straight relationships and marriages to conform [to societal attitudes and standards], there are a good many who very genuinely believe themselves to be straight when the relationship/marriage begins, so latent are their same sex feelings. I don't necessarily regard this as denial. For me, denial comes when you push back against same sex feelings that you are only too aware of.
Dear justaskin, I can relate to that. With 15 i had my first thought i might be gay but NOTbecause i found men attractive or had a crush on a guy. I just didnt had the amazing feelings for women that i imagined. Over the next 5 or so years i spent my time thinking and rethinking, hating myself. I didnt phantasize about men, just made huge efforts to constantly compare my arrousal levels for girls and boys (when i saw them on the streets or when i jerked off to test myself which sex i liked more). Then i got on heavy meds and there was not much phantasies or feelings at all for the next years. But i had girlfriends during that time, also kind of denial maybe (whatever). So no, not everyone phatasizes about men in there teens. Cheers, kasper
That is so true! Many people think denial means you aren't aware of the same-sex attractions, and since I was aware of my same-sex attractions, it was hard to reconcile the idea of denial so many years later. It is certainly possible, and very common, to know about your same-sex attractions but still be unwilling or unable to accept it. That's denial.
Hi justasking, my moment of shit-I-might-be-gay hit me like a bomb exploding in my brain when I was 18. There were other signs earlier on, but with all the other stuff you have going on in your teenage years, I didn't give them a lot of importance. And then this one guy and this one moment and the reality of who I was exploded into my existence. But then I went into active denial and my life became hell. This was pre-Internet era and I had nowhere to go, but I probably wouldn't have gone looking for support even if I knew where to go. Because about 6 months later, I remember walking past the gay student group's info table on my first day at university and I just kept on walking. I was a sad and lonely and mixed up young adult back then and I caused myself so much pain and suffering. So all I can say is give yourself the freedom to explore who you are and accept the fluidity of sexual attraction - see it like an all-you-can-eat smorgasbord of opportunity and pick and choose and try whatever takes your fancy.
