Whenever I think about the prospect of separating from my partner, I just feel that I can't do it. For one thing, I'm not sure I'll ever work up the courage to tell him. I know I have to, but it's hard to accept that this is the direction my life is going in. However, the main issue is that I just don't feel up to the consequences of separating. I've never really made any big decisions before, just coasted along. I'm in my late twenties and I've only worked full time for three months of my life! I've got a daughter, but I still don't really feel like an adult. I've never lived on my own, managed bills on my own, etc. It'll probably do me good to separate, but I just feel absolutely terrified. I need to grow up, I know. But, it would be so much easier to focus on moving forward if I felt confident about the day-to-day things.
I felt many of the same things, and I didn't even identify as gay at your age. It took me having a mid-life crisis, with all of the pain and anxiety, before I came to that courage. I pray you find the courage sooner than I did. Coming out to my wife was one of the hardest things I've ever done. But it has become worth that difficulty as I see the light at the end of my long dark tunnel. Good luck to you!
I'm right there with you. I haven't worked outside the home in a decade. My husband does all our financials, fixes stuff when it breaks, mows the lawn, etc etc. I'm a bright person, but I ceded all those important things to him when we met and started living together. I have never lived alone. The thought of getting a job, an apartment, figuring out all the "adult" responsibilities outside of childcare...it is incredibly daunting. I don't want to leave and be on my own. I love my husband and our family, but I feel like I'm living a lie. Now that I think I know it, how can I go back to not?
As another person who waited way to long to step through that door, I would say don't wait to long, it just gets harder and more complicated with time, but you can and should prepare yourself for it, start working on gaining that knowledge your going to need, before you tell him, in case it goes bad, same advice I would give to someone still living at home and wanting to tell there parents, wait until your ready to go it alone before you tell them, also you need to get comfortable within your own skin, that's what I'm working on rate now, but I jumped the gun I guess and told my wife first but I also knew if it went sour, I would be fine. (&&&)
if it's any consultation, I am self supporting and single and I am not up for this I am not trivializing your fears - you're trying to MANY things at once- leave your partner , support yourself, adapt a new sexual identity - climbing three (or more!) mountains at once... wish i had some advice.... On the other hand, I have read a lot of your posts and I think you'll do fine whatever you decide to do . Based on your posts I think you are wiser and more resourceful than you think you are...
I guess we all have to do what's right for us, but it comes down to the saying, "If nothing changes, then nothing changes." The question that got me through my divorce (which actually had nothing to do with being gay and happened a long long time ago) was the question of where would I be ten years from now? And then you go right back to that question in quotes above. Good luck.
Right there with you all. I'm supposed to decide now whether to separate or not, now that I told him. Now I'm more confused than ever! Good luck!
Thank you all for your replies. I'm sorry others feel the same way, but I'm glad I'm not alone too. To be honest, I thought I would be on this one. Thank you, findingjoy. That's kind of you to say. You've made me smile.
