I have been coming out quite slowly over the last 2 years or so. It seems to be a pace that's working for me. I moved a year ago and in my new city I'm as 'out' as I've ever been. I have a group of friends separate from work who pretty much all know that I'm gay. I have some friends at work who know but generally I'm not out at work. This lends to a hazy line between work and personal life 'outness' but I've become more OK with whether I end up being out at work one way or another. I'm out to a handful of close friends from different stages of my life and still not out to many others. I'm not out to my family at all, but being single at 34 and not really dating, I'm sure suspicions have been there for a long time. My younger sister and her husband are coming to visit me on Thursday for a long weekend. I'm stressing immensely over what to do. It would be easiest to go with the status quo and not mention much about my personal life. I'd like them to meet some of my friends but I feel like I'll be worried someone might 'slip'; most of my gay friends incidentally won't be around but I feel like I have to hide the ones who are. Moreover, it seems silly to have to tell any of my friends here that I'm not out to my sister. It honestly seems unlikely that it would even come up but I have begun wondering if it's time to tell her and, if so, how. We feuded like crazy growing up but we have grown up to be fairly similar and at the heart of it she is a kind person. Being her older brother, I find it unbelievably difficult to be vulnerable around her. This is all probably a function of some deep-seated insecurity about my sexuality that I had when I was younger. Anyways, it might be time to tell her. If I told her I would probably write her a letter ahead of time. I just don't want to make the visit weird or awkward. I don't know if it's enough time for her to process it and accept it. I guess I just wish that it wasn't an issue.
It's all about the comfort level you're feeling. It's your life, and you should not feel "obligated" to share your personal life. However, if deep down you feel the time is right, then follow your heart. There really isn't a "correct answer" here (I know, not much help huh, lol). Go with your "gut" feeling/instincts... is the best I can offer.
Its who you are....and if you are close to your sister i'm sure she may have a clue . But Mav is correct...it is about your comfort level. Maybe your sister is waiting for you to be comfortable enough to share??? LOL on the other hand if she is like my sister"who doesn't have the slightest clue about who you are" then maybe just let it lye. Mav is right ...go with your gut feelings.....at least you are being honest to yourself.
Echoing the above, you have to come out (or not) to people on your own personal timetable in a manner that is most comfortable for you. But if you do come out to your sister and, if she is accepting of your sexual preference (sisters tend to be very accepting and supportive of a brother's homosexuality), you may very well find that it strengthens your relationship with her. One consideration, perhaps, is whether or not you trust her (and her husband - because its not really fair to expect her to keep that information from her spouse) to keep the secret from the rest of your family until you are ready to come out to them.
Tell her, for your OWN sake. I can almost guarantee she won't care as much as YOU do. If she reacts negatively, give her time to adjust and then reassess the situation. So long as you are in the closet to her (and the rest of your family) you are still a prisoner.
Thanks all. The visit is done and I didn't tell her. I concluded that if I did I would be so worried about it the entire visit that it would be ruined by my worrying. The visit helped me assess where I am at with this and with her and everything. I think what I'm going to do is write a letter to her in the next couple of days. If nothing else, it will help me to process that she knows over the next couple of months until I see her again.
