I'm posting here because I have gone through two years of confusion and hoping to get some more clarity here. Up untill 26 years old if you would have asked me what my orientation would have beeen. The answer would have been "I'm straight". Ever since I thought a guy was cute who I randomly saw on the streets though I've been questioning. There are times like I feel that I want to be an homosexual and my attraction to girls completly fade and I find guys to be attractive. However that is ussualy followed by my mind protesting to the idea of being homosexual and trying to ignore it so it goes away. That ussualy works for a couple of months at most and during that time I find girls attractive again and guys unatractive again. However I always seem to keep coming back. The last month I've been trying to identify as gay again as my attempts to try ad stop seem to all fail now and I cba to try to stop thinking abou t it anymore. Yet somehow whenever I think to myself I'm a homosexual I just keep on getting headachy from my subconcious freaking out while concoiusly I feel pretty okay with it. I'm even having the panicky headache while writing this. So can anyone relate to this or give me some insight?
Hi there, I can relate to this and I think a lot of other LGBT people have been in this situation. My suggestion is to find a way to experiment with your sexuality in a way where you feel comfortable. The headaches and freaking out probably have a lot to do with fear of coming out and one of the first steps to coming out is self-acceptance of who you are. I can still remember very clearly the moment I said "I am bisexual" and then the day I decided to actually go and look for sexual experiences with other men. And now I've decided to live my life as an exclusively gay man. But it's been a long and difficult process. What helps is finding support - I went through hundreds of hours of therapy and a number of different therapists before I could finally discuss my sexuality and the therapist simply acknowledged what I said and also my need for intimacy and sex with men as a bisexual married man. There was no judgement or criticism. Coming out and accepting who you are is worth it. It really is. The closet is a lonely and dark place. All you need to do is take the first step and be prepared to question the standards with which traditional society judges LGBT people. Of course what I've written here is only applicable if you are in a safe environment in which to come out. In some countries or regions or families, it may be safer to stay in the closet. So take care, remain safe, but don't be afraid to explore and find out who you are. Love and intimacy are two of the most beautiful things in the world and there's nothing worse than denying yourself these things.
Yes! Coming out to myself was the hardest coming out I did. I kept trying to go back in the closet to myself. I was really good at denial. I had perpetual GI problems that have finally improved after years since I recently came out to family. One of the things in reading in your post is that you go through seasons of attraction to both men and women, but you are only considering straight and homosexual/gay as label options. Our culture tends to erase bisexuality, but it's actuality the letter in LGBT with the most people in it. I'll look for the bisexuality umbrella info graphic I like so much. You may want to consider if you're somewhere on that spectrum. ---------- Post added 23rd Aug 2016 at 08:10 AM ---------- https://dannyashkenasi.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/shirimeme-bi-umbrella.jpg?w=1194&h=1050
Hey, thanks for your answers. I appreciate it. Actually I have experimented sexually with a guy once and I did feel kinda nervousxited before it. The act itself did arouse me a bit. I also felt uncomfortable and awkward at times during this encounter though. Never had a sexual encounter with a girl so can't really compare the two. What I can say is that when I have a good conversation with a girl I do feel excited while with guys I ussualy feel pretty normal talking to them. Part of it is indeed what others may think. I can't deny I do worry what other guys in the lockerroom would think if they knew I was a homosexual. However it also seems to be a general fear of actually being a homosexual. As Once during a circus act I saw a guy of around my age that I felt instant attraction too. My first thought was "No. I can't be attracted to guys" and then I proceeded to force myself to find a girl of my age attractive instead. I just seem to have dificulty accepting these feelings cause even when I try to be accepting to my feeling and think to myself "I'm gay and that's okay" in the back of my head I still get panicky and headachy. Which is weird considering I've always accepted other homosexuals and my direct family mother brother sister seem to be just fine with some one being an homosexual asswell. So I wouldn't know why the option of me being an homosexual would freak me out so much. I couldn't agree more. I just feel kind of guilty leading some one on only to say "Sorry I just decided I like the other sex after all". That does sound a bit like me. however I'm not sure if it's denial as I do try to be accepting of the posibility. That is indeed something that I have considered. Hell I even tried labeling myself the "who ever I might be attracted to sexuality" guy. However my mind just seems to instantly reject it as an option. I don't know why.
