I have been hanging out with this girl. Long story short, we revealed we both like each other so we went out. The 'date' did not feel like much of a date and I was left feeling confused. Every time we hang out it is just super normal and no mention that we both like each other! We have NOT talked about our feelings, neither one of us have made a move. It just feels like we are complete friends. I am new to this, I am still in the closet and I have not asked her, but I suspect she is too?? Honesty, I am not certain?? I am just really confused. One big thing is that we work together so I see her in the office everyday. I am just really confused about how she feels. When I talk to her she is receptive and engaged in the conversation, but it does not feel like she is as interested as she was before our first date. She was SUPER obviously into me before she knew I was gay and now she just behaves normal toward me. Why is this? I have an idea, but I want opinions; 1.) PLAYING IT SAFE: The smart thing to do is play it safe and just let this go. Not invite her out again and just continue as normal. Accept that she is probably not interested anymore and just wait and see if she wants to make a move because I am not doing anymore work, I've already put myself out there enough. I have a paranoid feeling she is not interested anymore. 2.) TAKING A RISK: This could lead me to be crushed and be rejected by her. It could also be really awkward seeing her around in the office everyday! My risky plan is to invite her out one last time and take that opportunity to ask her straight up how she feels about me. Does she still feel the same way or would she rather just stay friends. Also it is risky because if she says no to going out that could also be my answer as to weather or not she is still interested. I need your opinions! If this was any other girl I could easily ask her straight up and if it goes bad I never have to see her again and it is no big deal. The issue with this is if it goes bad I still have to see her EVERYDAY. Should I take the risk? If so how should I go about it? What should I say exactly without pressuring her? ---------- Post added 22nd Aug 2016 at 05:56 PM ---------- My gut feeling though is that she is not interested in me anymore and is kind of over me. I am not sure if I am making this up in my head though. I just feel like I should risk being crushed, even though my feelings are that she is over me. Just judging by the decreased interest in conversation compared to before.
Hi Sabrinaa, This is why they say you shouldn't ever date a co-worker. I'm going to give you a "professional" opinion, and a "romantic" opinion. You can decide which, if any, you wish to take. Also, when I say "professional" I mean it in terms of business-like, not that I am an expert, by any means LOL. On the professional side: I would just let the flames go out. Like you mentioned you have to see her everyday. What if you did ask her out again and then you guys start to become more serious, with an eventual break-up. Let's say that break up is a nasty break up with a lot of hurt feelings. Well now you have brought that into the office. It will be hard to get your work done. Also, it may even spill over to co-workers taking sides. Next thing you know you are making the work place uneasy for everyone and that is not conducive to the success of the business. As I mentioned earlier, office romances are seldom a good thing. Now, that being said, I am a super romantic at heart. So that opinion is to talk to her. Tell her that you are picking up some mixed vibes. Let her know what you were thinking that "date" was supposed to be, and ask her if you misunderstood her intentions. If she does go for a second date, be sure to make some effort for a little physical interaction. Don't be all "handsy" the whole time. But just some subtle, yet telling touches, that are difficult to misinterpret. Example, if you go to a restaurant or cafe and you are sitting across from each other, maybe after sharing a laugh, just take her hand, look into eyes and tell her how much you are enjoying spending time with her. Your intentions will be unmistakably stated. Friends don't touch like that, so she would know that you are looking for more than a friendship with her. Her reaction to that will be quite revealing. If she seems accepting, then don't over-play it. Just move on with the date. If she seems hesitant, this is ok to. This is an open invitation to verbally communicate and determine if you should keep pursuing the relationship or just accept it for a friendship. Either way you have an answer. I hope this helped in some way, shape, or form. Good luck and keep us posted as to how things went.
My personal opinion is that if it's meant to be, it will come easily and naturally. If you have to push things forward, it's not meant to be. Since you work together, letting it go is likely best. I dated someone who I often saw through work and we never connected in the close way that I wanted. It was very much as you described above. When I chose to let that go instead of pushing forward 2 things happened. 1) We're able to resume our working roles without issue. 2) I met the woman of my dreams the very week I let go and I could not be happier. As for how it flows with my amazing girlfriend. Things have flowed extremely naturally. We both put in equal effort and it's recieved well and appreciated by both sides. There has never been a discomfort or awkwardness between us, and nobody has had to push for anything. I know it's only been a month, but this really seems to be the most natural relationship I've experienced, and I think that's how relationships are meant to be born. I know they take work to maintain, but starting should be easy.
Thanks! That is actually really helpful! I don't want to force anything and it's confusing because for most things it is good to push and go after what you want, but I seems like when it comes to people you can't do that. You have to let things flow and let it come naturally.
