So I've finally come out a fair bit, and I've started to enjoy, really enjoy, the company of supportive people. People with whom I have things in common. I think these people are called "friends." But now that I've got a few friends, including the few people who I could call friends from before coming out, I crave their attention. It just feels so damned good to know that these people are loving and supportive toward me, that I'm loving and supportive toward them, and that they like to talk with me, and that I like to talk with them. Except I know that they don't want to be smothered, and I'm worried that I might be doing that. How can I deal with this issue? Is the answer just being comfortable with my own company? Because I've been basically friendless and alone for a couple of decades, and it wasn't any fun at all. In fact, it was almost physically painful, and I don't want to drive myself into isolation again. Any advice? (Just so I can say that I said it, please don't recommend that I join my local LGBT meetup groups or visit my local LGBT center. No such animals exist here.) Thanks.
Good for you for coming out "a fair bit". I get worried about smothering people, too. I think going about making sure people have space has a lot to do with age. I'm at an age that I can send a text and be like "hey, here is thing I want to check out, are you interested?" and leave it at that. I've gotten a good group of friends for the first time in my adult life and I constantly am like "am I intruding? This gathering was mentioned, but I wasn't officially invited, what do I do"? I have come to the conclusion that as long as you listen to them, and let them tell their story, they will appreciate time spent with you. Many people want an audience, not a friend. As long as you are the kind of friend you want to have, I'd say you are golden. I've mentioned to a couple friends that where I grew up, the worst possible faux pas would be to intrude somewhere I'm not wanted, so I need a bit more than normal support as a welcome. I've gotten it, and I don't need to worry now.
Crazydog, my own experience has lead me to settled down having found two people that I would call Friends, where we share and support one another. Outside of that, I have another that I would say I am close with whereas everyone else is an "acquaintance". This excludes my bf whom knows me inside and out. I am expressing this so that you consider how many people you really need around you, and you set your expectations based on that. Where you also suggest you crave attention, rather than thinking I wanted attention early on my journey, I knew what I craved was validation. Validation from others that I have made the right choices. Validation that I am a good person. Validation that I am worthy. As I progressed on my journey and my confidence and self esteem were built, I realized that I no longer needed such validation or attention. Finally, you ask yourself a very good question about being comfortable with your own company. I am a firm believer that everyone should be comfortable enough with themselves that they enjoy their own company. In fact, I need my independence and I need my time alone. I am the best supporter of myself. Do not be afraid to be independent and in the company of yourself. As you get more comfortable on your journey, as you get the attention you desire and build confidence with yourself, I suspect you will find you will become more comfortable in your own company. Sounds like your definitely on the right path!
Hey Klutz, does having a 3rd derivative mean pan? Im curious what you mean by has a 3rd derivative lol... @crazydog: As for learning to enjoy your own company, I dont know if you can do this or not, but have you ever considered a dog? I would be lost without mine
