Ok, so how many people in straight marriages accept that they are attracted to the opposite gender...but are not interested in dating, sex or actually being with another person? I have been with my husband for 18 years, and while I now accept (and have told him) that I'm attracted to women more than men, I still can't quite imagine a relationship with ANYONE else in my near future. It makes me question "how gay" I am, or if I'm just not a very sexual person. Maybe I should wait in my marriage and just see if things "come back". Or, am I just in the early stages of things? I have 3 young kids, and I guess their well being is a huge part of my concern. I've also NEVER dated as an adult, just had high school boyfriends, casual university encounters, and then met my husband. It's kind of terrifying. Has anyone else had this experience?
If you can't imagine ANYONE, then why does it make you question your potential homosexuality rather than your heterosexuality? To be quite honest this sounds more like relationship fatigue. You've spent your entire adult life with one man, it seems, and in that time you've built your whole world around that life (kids, home, income), which is only natural, but maybe your issue isn't that you can't imagine yourself with anyone, it's that you can't imagine a life outside of your current relationship. I can't imagine many more daunting things than leaving a relationship like that.
I understand where having kids and a long term marriage are huge important things to consider that I never had to factor in as an out gay man … but we do have a few things in common. I was in a long term relationship and when it ended I felt I had lost my desire or ability to date or bond with a another person. I took the time to learn to be by myself and to enjoy my own company. I got so comfortable being alone it led to 16 years of no dating or romance in my life. A few life changing events in the last few years spurred me own to fully enjoying life again and being mindful that since I am now 54 I better get back out and date again. I made some changes and conquered my fear and insecurity about dating again and intimacy and it has paid off handsomely. Im now dating a guy and feeling like this is my second coming out … I feel young again inside. I wish I had not waited so long . When I read your story I see a world of potential for you … where it be to get the help you need to be secure and happy where you are now or make some changes that will lead you to great adventure and self realization. I cant stress enough though how important coming to terms with being happy in your own skin and enjoying your own company is before we step out and enjoy the company of others … especially intimate company. Making the kind of changes you face takes work and courage but once you start the process and do that work you can get there … being happy right where you are now or moving on to other things is a something to get excited about so don’t let this this get you down, ONWARD !
Amapwouldhelp I am married for 30 plus years and always had same sex attractions. While I checked out guys and fantasized about it some I never considered the possibility of acting on it. Didn't really want it. I know a "fantasy" from a "need". I was very satisfied with my life and my marriage. Things change over time. It is possible you will feel differently some day as your marriage matures and your responsibilities change. There is no correct path.
oops, I think I mistyped that I accept I'm attracted to the OPPOSITE gender. Typo. I don't really have any interest in men. I can see if they are handsome, and even imagine what it might be like to snuggle up...but that's where it ends. With women, the right ones can make me imagine much more. Must without any intention to act on it. Yet, at least. Thanks for the replies for those who have chimed in. I think the poster who said maybe it takes time to figure yourself out without being in a relationship to define you. Hetero sex is all I've ever known...so I guess it's hard to imagine actually acting on anything else. I know how to get the attention of guys, how to flirt, how to "do the deed" so to speak. So starting over is terrifying. And relationships are frigging hard work, with no guarantees...so it's kind of scary to imagine entering another one. AND, parenting is even harder...so the idea of introducing another person (regardless of their gender) into my kids' lives is simply mind boggling. So, I guess that's where my brain is going with all this. Sometimes just writing things down and reading responses starts to help things clarify in our minds, doesn't it. Thanks all.
