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Do you think it's dysfunctional to search for true love?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by SweetSoulJulia, Sep 7, 2016.

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  1. SweetSoulJulia

    SweetSoulJulia
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    Why does it seem that way? What is wrong with wanting and searching for that deeper, true love connection with someone? It's not that I'm a "love addict" (I think that may even be a diagnosis in the DSM). I'm realistic about the honeymoon phase wearing off. I don't expect things to be rosey all the time. What I want the soulfulness. Maybe it doesn't even exist, I don't know.

    My husband is a good guy but we've never been on the same wavelength. Why did I marry him? I do love him and at the time I had given up on the type of love I dream of. The type of love I'm wondering I will find only with a woman. The type of love I feel for the woman I fell deeply in love with but cannot have. Maybe there is the dysfunction...wanting someone unavailable :frowning2:

    Maybe I'm being immature? Been married over 10 years so I do have a clue. Is it a gender thing? I don't think it is. Oh well. Just pondering as I'm blue today missing J but knowing she's not even thinking about me.

    All thoughts, opinions welcome!
     
    #1 SweetSoulJulia, Sep 7, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2016
  2. Quem

    Quem
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    Dysfunctional? Really? Of course it's not. :lol:

    It's perfectly fine to want such a relationship, nothing strange about that! However, it's important to be realistic as well. The odds of someone perfectly understanding you almost always seems.. a bit unrealistic? I don't think you're thinking about such a relationship however.

    What you're describing seems obtainable (I do love my boyfriend deeply, I think we have what you're describing). However, I'm not sure how easy it is to obtain such a relationship, nor am I sure whether you should actively persuade such a thing. Don't be fixated on it, I think that, if it comes, it will most likely come naturally. :slight_smile:

    Cheers,

    Quem
     
    #2 Quem, Sep 7, 2016
  3. Friesian

    Friesian
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    There is definitely a deeper connection which is soulful or emotional. (but it is difficult to manage for sure.) But I'm not sure I think 'true love' and 'a soul tie' are the same. Somehow, I think if you search for true love, you might miss it. It seems the best things come to us when we aren't expecting them. For me personally, I believe this is why I never married - I've always wanted a soul mate, not just a husband/wife to settle down with. Alas, it seems I am left alone; funny how these things work. But what is worse for me would be living in compromise. What's worse for another may be living alone; so I suppose we each make due with what we allow ourselves to have. I'm sorry things went unfulfilled with you and J. I can relate - there have been a few I pined for but they remained unavailable. I still believe that if I focus on what makes me happy, I will attract the right people in my life and perhaps that soul mate I've been longing for; I hope it happens for you too :slight_smile: It's not impossible.
     
    #3 Friesian, Sep 7, 2016
  4. JonSomebody

    JonSomebody
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    Well...I've learned in my life to never search for love. If its genuine then it will happen spontaneously when you least expect it to. Many times when you pursue or search for that special someone ...you tend to always wind up with "lemons" as I call them. For me...my best and long lasting relationship came into my life when I was not looking.
     
    #4 JonSomebody, Sep 7, 2016
  5. SweetSoulJulia

    SweetSoulJulia
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    Yeah, I agree completely that you need to be #1 whole and not looking for someone to "complete" you and #2 not on a constant search for love. Gratitude goes a long way and I try to count my blessings daily. I just didn't anticipate falling in love with another woman while I was rolling along in life as a married (closeted bi) woman with 2 young children. J is a part of our daily life and teaches my daughter. I wish--more now than ever--that I could have remained oblivious to my attraction/love for her and went on with my OK life as a suburban housewife. I hate the vulnerability, the constant heartache/guilt, and the uncertainty of my future. J is clearly not my future (sigh) but what does this all mean now?

    Anyway, point is to just clarify. I was not/am not out looking for my true love. And wouldn't it be just fabulous if just by having these deep feelings for someone meant they loved you back the same way?!
     
    #5 SweetSoulJulia, Sep 8, 2016
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