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Where did you meet your (ex)partner?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Jerry36, Sep 14, 2016.

  1. Jerry36

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    I was just wondering...where did you find the girl or guy that you fell for...how did you make contact?whas it love at first sight or did you get 'romantic' feelings after a few dates?

    And was it the person you imagined yourself with, looks or personality-wise, or totally the opposite?

    I am relatively new to gay land and trying to figure out where to meet normal guys like me, around my age and not just for the sex...I wasted a lot of years looking for a cool guy which i regret. I always thought that i didnt need a relationship which made me hide really safe in the closet. I ve never felt really Lonely all those years..


    But i guess i grew up...i m 38 and the first time of my life I want a relationship; i want to share, cuddle, fight, make up, and talk about how your day was...

    But now i feel like i have missed the boat...and its too late to find a guy you can get attrackted to, physically and emotionally, and the other way around offcourse. It makes me really sad, regretfull and sometimes scared for the future.
    So, therefore i was just wondering where you meet your buddy, or ex buddy.

    I m not sure gay apps is for me as i want something more than just sex. On the other hand i
    M not the greatest charmer, talker or at hitting on guys in bars. I m not really shy, just nervous and sometimes awkward. And i dont like going to bars by myself, i ve done that a few times. It just makes me feel a bit awkward i guess...

    So, maybe someone can share their experience in meeting your partner? Looking forward to read them...
     
  2. Weston

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    I met both my previous and current partners at a gay nude beach. In both cases we were naked and had sex shortly afterward. The first relationship lasted a year and the current one two years (and counting!)
     
  3. OGS

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    I met my husband (we've been together for 18 years) in a gay bar. I was there with my ex. We stopped by for a drink before going out dancing. We never made it to the dancing. I ended up chatting with my now-husband for hours and going home with him. I don't know about love at first sight but by the next morning we knew we were a long term thing which surprised both of us rather profoundly as neither of us was really looking for anything serious and both were rather jaded.

    On a side note when I called my ex the next day to apologize for ditching him his response was "Are you kidding? I was there. I saw him. No apologies needed." We're still friends to this day.:lol:
     
  4. looking for me

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    ex partner, we were both working at the food court of a local mall. i was dating her co-worker.
     
  5. JonSomebody

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    My last partner whom passed away six years ago...I had met about 13 years prior to us actually becoming a couple. I met him in a gay bar. I was standing in a corner by the bar and this small group of guys came in and this one guy whom by the way was really hot was staring at me through the crowd. At first..I was not sure he was looking at me until he started getting much closer. Closer he got...I could tell that he was feeling no pain from the alcohol he had consumed prior to coming to the bar. However, once he had gotten up close to me...he spoke and then he grabbed me around my waist and gave me this long, lingering kiss. Initially, I was a little taken a back but once he got into it..it wasn't long after I realized he was a very good kisser and went along for the ride of it. His friends stood there looking at us with their mouths open and once he broke away from the kiss...he looked me in my eyes and told me that he just kissed his future husband and then he kissed me again but this time not as long as the first time and then he told me to just mark his words that he and I will be together as a couple in the near future and then he walked away.

    From that moment on...whenever we would see each other ...it was apparent to see the chemistry between us but the timing was never appropriate for us to become a couple because either he was with someone or I was with someone whenever he was available as well. Therefore, until that time came...we just established a very close friendship over the years. We became each others' best friends. So..maybe that was a good thing because once we did finally become a couple...it was just like an easy adjustment which many people felt was because of the long standing friendship we had obtained prior to becoming a couple which was due to knowing each other very well.

    Throughout our time together up until his unexpected passing...the relationship was magical and far beyond what I could ever anticipated it would be. We were honestly a very happy couple.
     
  6. OnTheHighway

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    I think you are at a perfect age with the right mindset to find a partner. Most of my friends with significant others found their loves around your age give our take a few years. I would be optimistic if it is what you really want.

    I met my partner at the airport. Waiting to board a flight. He was ten feet away from me. I decided to open an app, and he was there. We started texting before the flight. Five months later, we went on our first date having chatted on and off over the period.

    He is a perfect compliment to me. Nothing like me. We are ying yang and fit together perfectly.

    Keep an open mind and stay on the lookout!
     
  7. Briefconflict

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    Jerry36
    I met my first and only gay partner in my gym about 10 years ago so about when I was your age...., we used to chat while working out so much sometimes not much gym work got done! He was openly gay and knew I was straight with a girlfriend sometimes we would discuss my unsatisfactory relationship as I hadn't had sex with my partner for 5 years (more her issue than mine) but takes two...

    Anyhow our relationship developed and he is Italian (I'm an Aussie) and I seem to have a thing for Italians as I grew up around an Italian area nevertheless things progressed to the point we were discussing his home entertainment system one day that he was having trouble with so I volunteered to come to his place to sort it as I'm good with that stuff so he said he'd make a meal and we could make a night of it.

    Anyhow I was really nervous at his place as unbeknown to him I really wanted him to make love to me but nothing happened as he was the innocent party. Other than that the night was fun and we had a good chat and some wine so we made plans to do it again much to my delight

    I left my then partner for a girl from my work and I remember he said I should have had some time out before jumping into another relationship but I was beyond reason, I regret not taking his advice to this day...

    Next time I went to his place we had a good time but as the night was getting on I forced the issue and made clear what I wanted in no uncertain terms! He had no idea I felt this way about him but he was up for it and consequently we made love on his lounge room floor.(!)

    As the years went on we hooked up on numerous occasions which I think was ok with him as his mother lived in a self contained flat on his property and needed regular assistance as she had mobility issues and the beginnings of dementia.

    Our relationship progressed and he put his mother in a nursing home as her illness had got to the stage she needed around the clock care. We continued to catch up on and off for just being social and sometimes a little more... He called us "fuck buddies" a term I always resented.

    Christmas 2015 came and on Christmas eve he invited me to to dinner with a gay couple he knew, I attended and during the course of the meal he put his arm around the back of my chair and shoulder and this was the first time I didn't care what anybody thought I was so over the moon somebody cared for me like that. The feeling was so overwhelming I was on cloud nine.

    I came to care for him a lot more and became part of his support network as his mother became progressively worse and eventually passed away needing a morphine shunt in the end, it was very distressing.
    I couldn't attend the funeral but his friends and I met for drinks afterwards and that's when his friends realised I was more than just a friend.
    I think the combination of the care he showed for his mother and shared grief I just fell in love with him.

    Not long after his mother passed he decided to take a holiday with a long time friend to Thailand and I contacted his friend to make plans to suprise him in Thailand as my work had forced me to take leave and my partner had to work.
    When he found out I was meeting him in Thailand he was estactic so I could not have been happier. We made love so many times I was so happy. I professed my love to him. He got a little sick when we returned to Bangkok from Pattaya so things weren't ideal and by then I just wanted to get home to Australia.
    Once I got back into routine in Australia we met up again for dinner at his now apartment, he was renting our his house, we drank a little too much wine and never got to have dinner, so much so I had to ring my partner to get her to collect me or let me stay over....she didn't want to collect me so I just stayed the night with him and although I was a bit under the weather we made love and afterwards when I was lying with my head on his chest a feeling of completeness washed over me and I knew then what had always been missing in my life.

    Previously we had discussed that the present situation was not working for him and that I needed to come up with a plan to leave my partner so we could be together.

    I was resolved to leave my partner and had accommodation sorted and a plan to move in six weeks (when the unit I was to rent lease expired) but just a week later I was to meet with him for a lunch with some of his friends. When I arrived at his apartment he wanted me to park in his building as he had his car on the street downstairs, it seemed a bit odd but anyhow You couldn't park for too long outside his building,* when we just waited a little while before leaving for lunch it became obvious that he had self medicated and was on the scotch also and it seemed like he had a hidden agenda...
    Consequently I drove and drank very little unlike him, we all went back to his apartment after lunch and he basically mauled me outside the foyer of his apartment block while waiting for the others, it suprised and scared me because he was drunk and had never done pda so obvious before.

    Back in his apartment he was not a gracious host and was embarrassinglying drunk but his friends were ok and once they left I got up to leave but he only saw them to the door and stopped me in the apartment. His agenda then became clear....

    He proceeded to rip into me about leaving my current situation and how bad it was for him how he loved me and needed me to be with him or exit his life. He was screaming at me and I was very scared and I'm one of these people that when people try to force me to do something I will dig my heels in and not comply. I had to beg him to let me leave which needed his assistance as my car was locked in his building, he proceeded to berate me the whole time as we got my car out and having left I got down the road realised I left my wallet and phone in his car and had to go back for round 2. By the time I got out of there I was a emotional wreck.

    I contacted him about a week later and just txt him "I miss you so much" and he had been praying that I would* talk again but consequently it went all down hill from there as I wouldn't give him a solid time line on when we could be together so he ended it forever right there and then.

    It's funny that as soon as the pressure was off to leave my current relationship my resolve to end it was at an all time high....but by then I'd cancelled the accommodation and all the other plans I'd made.

    I cried for weeks/months after and it's been six months now and I still think about him every day and still have emotional breakdowns now & then. It's hard not to when I drive past his mother's nursing home where she passed away every day on the way to work from gym and I walk past my bosses car everyday walking into work which is the exact same model and colour of my boyfriend's car.

    Somedays I think there is only one answer, others I cope better but everyday I think about how I threw away the best thing to ever happen to me because I was too gutless to make a change in my life.

    I miss him so much.....