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Has anyone else experience this?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by LostInDaydreams, Sep 17, 2016.

  1. LostInDaydreams

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    I've been so focused on work the last few weeks, that I'm not thinking about questioning/sexuality that much at all.

    I'd expected to really miss being able to come on EC everyday, but I don't really think about it day-to-day.

    I guess I'm not feeling any desperate need to leave my current relationship, nor I am finding it unbearable. This is (a little bit) making think perhaps I made it all up.

    Has anyone else experienced this? Something else happens in your life, and your sexuality, which seemed like such a big issue a few days/weeks ago, now doesn't feel like a priority, and that doesn't bother you.

    I don't have any desire to have sex with him, that's not changed, but I think we're functioning together better than I'd expected, and I don't think I'd be able to do what I'm doing without him.

    However, I do feel that going back to work is the first step to becoming my own person, which is good. I don't feel that having independence, etc. through working is going to make me fully comfortable and happy with who I am portraying myself as. I'm not sure that makes sense.

    Title should be 'experienced' :slight_smile:
     
    #1 LostInDaydreams, Sep 17, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2016
  2. Bouldghirl

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    OK. Life and work have to interconnect for pretty much all of us. If someone that you don't work with is in your personal life then no matter what you say or do your work will affect them. I try not to bring my work home but my gf knows when I've had a shitty day. I think very few of us can hide our feelings in a way that we can totally separate life and work. If you want to keep things totally separate then fine but remember that your other half will know that something is bothering you. I find it better to talk things out rather than bottle them up but only you can decide what is right for you.
     
  3. yuanzi

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    First congrats on becoming more independent!

    I absolutely feel the same way. My work takes up a lot of time and I actually enjoy it most of the time, which makes it very easy for me to not think about my sexuality. This is especially true after I came out to my family.

    Do I think I am straight/can have a happy fulfilling relationship with a man when I am all busy and distracted by my work? Absolutely not. It is more like I am content being single because I have other important things to do.

    Hope that helps.
     
  4. Adray

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    Yes, absolutely. What you are experiencing is normal.

    Back before I came out, I went through periods where thoughts/focus on my sexuality were pretty intense, but it would change from time to time as other issues in my life rose in importance temporarily.

    Now that I am out, it still varies, but honestly I don't think about it all with the same intensity as I did before, if that makes any sense. My sense of "normal" has shifted some. Occasionally I will be surprised by a friend who says something indicating they've been thinking hard on my sexuality, and I'll think to myself, "wow, this is a bigger deal for them today than it is for me right now."

    Good luck, and keep moving forward!
     
  5. tornasunder

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    Hey LostInDaydreams,

    I am also experiencing a very similar feeling on and off. Everyone's story is different, but I *just* came out to my hetero partner of 5 years that I think I'm gay, rather than bi, which I've had out and in the open to most everyone since forever. We have struggled for years now on the intimacy aspect of our relationship, and at the least, my coming out has opened the dialogue about these things. Right now, I am struggling with a constant urge to pursue women, but I am so in love with my partner that I have been fighting it for quite some time and it all boiled up to the surface after a recent therapy session.

    We have decided to open our relationship for me to explore my feelings about women, because it is the fairest thing to do for both of us in the long run. Since our initial "big talk" though, I have been struggling with the feeling of being pulled in two directions. We are keeping the dialogue open, but we have a (not original, I know-- but everyone has to come to terms with it personally) theory that sexuality is fluid, that it can change from day to day in degrees great or small, and that is the one thing that is keeping us from splitting up entirely. We have too strong of a bond to just throw the towel in, but this is literally the hardest thing that either of us has dealt with, aside from losing my mother.

    Am I making sense? I have barely been on here except for reading others' stories, but I feel like I can relate in a way. I dunno. This is all so confusing and depressing.
     
  6. nbd

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    I can relate very strongly to this. Especially the thought that you're making it up because you feel confusion about orientation less intensely when you're busy with your life. Like you're just confused when you're bored.

    I think it's just like anything, people usually don't think about sex 24-7 (well, we all go through periods of feeling that, but normally we don't or we'd get nothing done!) When you're busy with life, it's just not on your mind, confusion or not.

    The true test is to listen to yourself when your life is calm, in evenings, in bed. What begins to run through your mind when you're feeling lonely? Who do you want to touch, who do you want to touch you?

    My therapist just keeps "noting" that when I talk about fantasies, I'm talking about women. She's just "noting" it, and then we move on. After a while, I know she wants me to come to my own conclusion.

    I'm just not ready yet.
     
  7. findingjoy

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    yes. and that doesn't even make me question it makes not think about it at all. With me, boredom, daydreaming, low self esteem and lots of idle time can lead to all sorts of fantasies and confusion. Are my gay feelings fantasies or real? It makes it harder when I realize i tried to avoid them.

    It can get very confusing.

    So I agree with other posters here, its nothing to worry about - in fact it might give you a better idea of what you really want.

    You're taking action. You went out and started working again. You are making some big changes. Having read your other posts and having experienced similar doubts and feelings I would say just keep taking the steps to change.