I wanted to get her a card, but giving your wife a card for your 20th wedding anniversary that says "Happy Anniversary" and stuff like "our dreams come true" and "promises of the future" after coming out as gay just two months before is about the worst idea I can think of. There's just no card that expresses the right sentiment here. I don't even know how to verbally acknowledge it. Saying Happy Anniversary is just as bad as a card that says it. Just ignore it? I do wish I could have held on longer before coming out to her, not that it would have really made a difference, but it certainly has made this the most anti-climatic and pathetic anniversary.:bang:
This will be a hard day for you both. Instead of a generic card, maybe a letter reflecting back on the good times, your kids, how she's a great friend and mom... Verbally acknowledging the elephant in the room isn't a bad idea, so that she knows you're thinking of her feelings too on this challenging day. Best of luck.
Imgay No matter what you say or do this is going to be a rough day on both of you. My thought is to spend some time with your wife to celebrate the good times that were part of the marriage as nbd mentioned. I would want my spouse to acknowledge that the marriage was special to him and it wasn't a sham or a convenience. The venue could be as simple as going for a walk and a simple dinner. Or, maybe even a family dinner at a favorite place to show that family is still important and intact. The thing about special days is that you sort of have to acknowledge them. Doing nothing may say something you don't really feel. I like nbd's letter idea. I wrote such a letter that I gave my wife when I came out to her since I had no idea how she would take it. I needed to show her that the marriage had been real and special to me.
I'm with nbd on this one. I left the home just a few days prior to our 20th anniversary, I think it would have been good to show my appreciation for the years we spent together and for the beautiful children we have, but at the time, there were only hard feelings. You have a chance here for a beautiful moment of appreciation, both for the years together but also for your abiding friendship.
I got dinged by the STBX because I did not acknowledge our anniversary after coming out. She would have preferred a card with a hand-written message acknowledging the good, bad, and ugly of the situation, much like nbd suggests.
Ditto on the hand written card. Acknowledging and celebrating all that is and has been good with your lives together would be a great tribute to your marriage and her without the trite and canned sayings. You've raised children together and have been a wonderful part of society for many years. Tell her how wonderful this chapter has been.
