Not posted for a few days, but still been reading. After my attempt at coming out to my husband, which was 'seemingly ignored', im back to my closet. Back to square one almost. Although I've had a few self image changes this week. I've had a short haircut and my nose and brow piercing put back in (retired them years ago when work required it) I'm also tackling, head on, the weight issue I've struggled with for a long time. So I do feel like I'm being productive towards an end goal, even if the main issue is far from settled.
I doubt very much that you are at square one...he is mulling it over...I imagine him watching you from the corner of his mind's eye...seeing the new haircut...noticing the nosering...and the renewed interest in your body. For some people reality lies in what they observe...not the words that they hear. So that in effect you are still telling him by your actions. He is watching...trust me. And by working on yourself you are working on the main issue: you sending a different kind of comm....that's what some people need... Stay positive.
Hey @hexamum, it's good to hear from you! I agree with @BenFreeman, some people need to see change in order to believe it. I would be willing to bet that your husband hasn't forgotten about your aborted conversation, but he is waiting and thinking about what needs to come next. I'm beginning to see sexuality confusion and "coming out" as a more complicated process than I originally thought, especially with our spouses. I expected yelling and threats of separation. Instead, there's denial on both of our sides, a marked increase in intimacy with varying levels of success, creative problem solving, and at least for me...hoping that the whole damn thing just blows over. I know it feels like square one, but these steps you're taking are helping you to become your authentic self. Every time you look in the mirror, you're reminded of the changes you're making and hopefully can better see glimpses of the truth. I'm doing some of the same things. Changing my look, being more healthy. I've even revised my resume and looked into childcare options, in the case I make the move to get a job. Keep on taking care of yourself, and thanks for updating us. Try to remember that none of this will happen overnight, and that's okay.
I know how you feel. Months ago, I told my boyfriend of 10 years, "I'm not attracted to men," and nothing really happened. Did he hear me? Did he think I meant something else? What did he think? I have no idea. I was thinking I should tell him again. Maybe you'll need to re-open dialogue. See what happens. But give him time to process first.
Can you say more about what happened and what 'seemingly ignored' means? Did you tell him that you are gay? Or did he brush off the conversation before getting to that point? You may discover that coming out makes this easier because being in the closet has many side effects. Because I had a casual relationship with the truth while in the closet, it was difficult to hold myself accountable and do the things required to eat better and lose weight until after I was out. Just be aware that coming out to your spouse is an emotional roller coaster, so be on the lookout for old eating habits during this period. You may find some useful thoughts in this blog posting for both preparing to come out and what happens afterwards Preparing to come out to your spouse as gay
It's quite annoying to have gotten so far into it last week, but now I'm back to treading water until the right time/situation arises and I can continue or restart the conversation. Thanks for the feedback guys. I love this place!! <3 He's had absolutely no physical contact with me for quite a while now. Not a cuddle, kiss or even a brush past. Since just before that conversation. It's all very much like the elephant in the room I feel, or I may be imagining it.
After I came out to my wife she thought I didn't want to be touched, so she refrained from touching. We fixed that once I understood her reaction. We're not intimate anymore and we haven't really kissed since I came out, nor do I really want to, but we share hugs, and we still will put our arms around each other and the like. I'm not saying your experience is or will be the same, but it is possible that he is unsure of whether it's ok to touch you. Ask for a hug maybe, and go from there. Even platonic touch is still important in friendships.
'imgay' thanks for the insight. It makes lots of sense. X It's an awkward situation. This morning I woke up with him snuggling in behind me. I didn't encourage anything more, but I didn't jump out the way either. It was nice to have contact, but didn't want to lead him on either. I'm naturally an extremely tactile person, and the no contact has been hard. I wish, in an ideal world, we could go straight from husband and wife to just friends so I could have a tight (platonic) cuddle and it not lead to anything else.
Would in that be so so nice straight from a relationship to a more will and grace friendship :s just out of interest is their anyone that's been married and now has a will and grace type friendship.
