Don't think my questioning will go away any time soon since I can't date due to being married. But I am thinking and progressing at least internally. Anyway, need the answers please from women who were/ are in a lesbian relationship. Also, am I thinking here as a straight woman, or are these just normal lesbian 101 questions? 1. In a lesbian relationship - is there a need to 'balance' the looks? For example, if you date a 'more beautiful' than yourself ( I know it is all relative!), do you get uncomfortable and need her to tone it down? 2. When in bed, do you check her out to compare to yourself? And if she's got better breasts or behind, legs, etc. do you get nervous hide your imperfections by covering yourself up? 3. Is there any sort of womanly competition going on? ( example: cooking, jobs etc.) 4. Even if you know she is a lesbian, do you get even slightly jealous with men hitting on her? I feel like in a woman / man relationship some of this is happening less because of specific roles. Also, historically I've felt competitive and checking out other women just to compare.. Nowadays it is more of admiring their features. I've come a long way but still have no clue what the actual lesbian relationship dynamic is..
I haven't full on dated a girl yet, but I still feel like I can answer some of these: 1. No! If I'm attracted to someone and they're hotter than me, which usually happens with chicks (or maybe it's equal? Idk. I'm not horrible, but pretty average), I'm like, "damn, look at my hot woman." When I was doing whatever with my ya know, first appearance, she'd definitely be seen as hotter, and it didn't make me not want to be with her. Like, she was hot. I'm attracted to her because she's hot, and I wouldn't want to change that. And when I say hot, it's not just about appearance, but the way the person carries themself. 2. Do I check her out? YES. I would definitely enjoy my hot person's hotness. If mine wasn't similar, I could maybe feel a little bad and like we look uneven in public. But I found that liking someone, even if they're better looking, wasn't something I found myself worrying about. I just liked and appreciated them. And when I did sleep with a woman, I was not focused on how either of us looked at all. 3. Idk. I imagine with some couples. Some people are competitive. 4. Is she was a lesbian, I wouldn't be worried. I'd give the guy a dirty look and/or laugh. I compare myself to some women, too. It's natural. But when I like one or am attracted, I just want to be with them, and definitely don't want to change them.
1. I'm like, "damn, look at my hot woman." <<<what YeahpIdk said. I am attracted to femmes though I am more boyish looking so I don't compare myself to my partners. One girl I dated said she changed her feminine appearance because she didn't want men hitting on her, lol! And they were everywhere. I just remember thinking, poor old chap, actually thinks he's got a chance with my girl Unfortunately, she wasn't as attractive to me after she did that. 2. I check her out yes, but not to compare myself to her. I think we all feel vulnerable in bed, but when you are with someone who loves you, they ease those insecurities. I feel it ruins the intimacy when one partner is more concerned about hiding themselves than about letting go and enjoying the moment. If anyone is going to point out my flaws during such an intimate moment, then they can hop out of my bed. 3. There can be, depends entirely on personality types though. 4. When it comes to men or women flirting with her - as long as she stays connected with me, sharing her thoughts and her heart with me, and choosing to spend her time with me, I don't worry
1. In a lesbian relationship - is there a need to 'balance' the looks? For example, if you date a 'more beautiful' than yourself ( I know it is all relative!), do you get uncomfortable and need her to tone it down? NO. We support each other in being beautiful people. 2. When in bed, do you check her out to compare to yourself? And if she's got better breasts or behind, legs, etc. do you get nervous hide your imperfections by covering yourself up? I check her out, for sure! I find her amazingly beautiful. I can see the differences in our body styles and looks, but there's no need to compare them. I fell in love with her, so of course I think she's beautiful. Some of her features are better than mine, but we all have our strong areas. I don't worry about such things. 3. Is there any sort of womanly competition going on? ( example: cooking, jobs etc.) We don't compete, we support each other. We work in related fields, so we toss work ideas off each other. She makes a better chef, I make a better baker, so we share our talents. We have reason to compete in this area, either, as supporting each other and playing to each other's strengths makes our relationship amazing. 4. Even if you know she is a lesbian, do you get even slightly jealous with men hitting on her? I find it funny when men hit on either of us. It's like "Ecuse me, sir, are you lost?!" I know they aren't getting anywhere.
I'm old, so my replies may not reflect how others feel... But her looks, her body, her skills... in a good relationship, there is no competition like with heterosexual females, not if you find someone who you have a connection to or someone not self-absorbed... most of all someone that accepts you I look at her and I see the beauty of her, not the flaws or ways she is 'better or worse' than I, I see her skills and I am proud that someone so wonderful cares about me, same with others flirting with her, I think 'they think she's wonderful... and she wants me' and I feel lucky to have her love. Sadly this has not worked out for me so perhaps there is something wrong with me and you should disregard my reply. I hope others step in and give you their input on your questions.
I agree with all of the above. You compliment each other and bring different things, the dynamic is nice and if it's a good relationship it will be supportive. I've never known any competition in a relationship. As for men hitting on her, it's like 'oh bless him, he really doesn't stand a chance! LOL' kind of thing. I think your questions are pretty normal, for what it's worth.
Wow appreciate the detailed answers. It really says that majority of you experienced a beautifully balanced woman to woman relationship at least once. It also tells me that I would be clueless and totally lost if hypothetically speaking, got into relationship with a woman, which is alas is out of question.. But I do wonder how it is, to closely and intimately appreciate, trust and be romantic with another female, ugh..
I feel the need to start a striaghtgirlquestions101: Do straight girls feel automatically competitive around attractive girls? (As someone attracted to girls, competitive is not how I feel. It's more--OMG she's so hot, OMG, I'm so nervous now, I hope I don't look stupid) Do straight girls ever check out their man in bed and feel jealous of him? (I'm guessing most don't) Do straight girls feel the need to compete with their man? (There's gotta be some out there who do, though, I don't feel competitive around girls I like, it's more, I want to prove myself worthy of them, but, I also take pride in their accomplishments)
I'm bi... so neither lesbian or straight. I simply love the people I love. I've never had sex with a woman, but I can't imagine feeling competitive. In awe? Sure. Drawn in? Yes. Out of control? Most definitely. It's the same with the man I love. Love is not about toning someone down. It's about celebrating who that person *is*! Love makes me feel like I'm the luckiest person there is. Am I insecure? Hell, yeah. But love has a way of helping me feel stronger. Better. Whole. Complete. That's what a healthy relationship is like---be it lesbian or any other kind. Jealousy isn't the enemy. Nor is attraction. It's about communication. It's about being true to yourself. It's about love.
