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She came back to apologize...would you hear her out?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by caliwoman, Oct 2, 2016.

  1. caliwoman

    caliwoman Banned

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    This woman who I've had a physical experience with and I subsequently cut-off contact with, has returned to talk to me. She called and I sent her to voicemail and she text messaged that she'd like to speak to me. I haven't responded. I want to be fair and kind. I also want to protect myself and not get sucked back in to something that didn't feel good for me. There is a part of me that gives women- even toxic women- wayyyyyyyy too many chances. I have a blind spot for women. I see men more clearly.

    Friendship with her is not a possibility. We've tried before and it goes right back to where it started with lots of contact, flirting, sexual talk, and it becomes like a relationship, practically, but without the label.

    I need a healthy, objective opinion. Would you hear her out? It's been 3 weeks since I cut-off contact, cold turkey.

    The reasons why I cut-off contact were because in the last 24 hours of our last interaction, the following things happened:

    -Told me that she told her friend nothing was going to happen between she and I.
    -Told me she told her roommate the age range of women she'd be dating, but that I shouldn't take that in a bad way.
    -Got drunk, drunk texted me, had to call off of work the next day, but denied being drunk when speaking to me (my therapist said this is a huge red flag).
    -Told me she found a girl in her bed. That girl is one of her straight-ish BFF's, whom she has a history with and when I asked if anything sexual happened, repeatedly said, "I don't THINK anything happened."
    -Told me her roommate kept asking if she "interrupted them" (like they were fooling around) even after I told I didn't wanna hear about it. When I told her that the roommate felt like I did (like something happened), she replied for me to "stop it."
    -We had made plans for me to drive two hours to see her and when I asked her if I could get a hug/kiss, she deflected multiple times and then told me to go with the flow and that I was putting too much pressure on the situation. By this time, we've already been physical and had phone sex.
    -Ended up "rescheduling" on me and I didn't go out to see her.
    -Reminded me a couple of times, on that last day of contact, that she's "a catch."
    -Admitted to me that she had just reconnected with a former flame, whom she has a deep connection with.

    She wants to have a discussion about something. She mentioned something about a compromise. If this were a guy, I'd want to go running for the hills, but because it's a woman, I just can't see straight.

    Would you hear her out? Am I being mean if I don't respond?

    I feel like when I get emotional about a situation (and close female relationships are always emotional for me), I don't listen to gut. This time, however, I just feel like I can't trust the woman. I've never had sex with a woman and I know because it's such an emotional experience for me, I'd need to really trust the woman- but there's something about her I just don't trust. And I know she's been very honest with me, even too honest, but I've had that with another woman before, my trigger crush, when she was offering crumbs and I fell for it, losing myself and self-worth, in the process.
     
    #1 caliwoman, Oct 2, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2016
  2. Poppy43

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    No, just leave it with her.
    Seriously she is really bad news, you dont want to end up getting sucked back in.
     
  3. caliwoman

    caliwoman Banned

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    Thank you, Poppy! It's so relieving to hear that it just isn't me. She told me a few times that she's "a real catch" or "a catch" and it half way had me wondering if I was really missing out by passing her up.

    Thank you!!!!
     
  4. I'm gay

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    It's too soon. Maybe a conversation after 6 months in my opinion.
     
  5. BrookeVL

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    I cut off contact with a guy three weeks ago, also cold turkey, for way less(and we actually slept together). If he texted me again wanting to talk, I probably wouldn't. So no, don't.
     
  6. caliwoman

    caliwoman Banned

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    Awwwww Cluster. I'm so sorry! How are you feeling about cutting off contact?
     
  7. BrookeVL

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    <<<<<Honestly I haven't thought much about it. I've had something else occupying my thoughts.

    I've actually though about texting him a couple times, mostly just because I'm horny and want sex. And also I do kinda wonder if it was right to cut him off(though to be fair, he hasn't texted me either).
     
  8. RosePetals76

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    Nope. Just let her go. It's not worth it. Or, if you want to try a friendship, maybe listen to the apology, but don't even think about that relationship road again.
     
  9. Orchidea123

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    I think it is great that she wants to apologize. The idea gives some resolution and is a support to the fact that , as many here said, her actions were far from decent.
    We don't know if that apology is genuine or if she wants something in return, so I would agree with many here. Since you do not plan to date her or be friends with her, you are not obligated to respond.
     
  10. CameOutSwinging

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    I'm so like you. Especially when I am emotionally attached to somebody. My emotions and my gut/logic don't match up, and I end up keeping things going with somebody when everybody I talk to tells me I should cut ties and run.

    You said if a guy was doing this, you'd run.

    I say trust that. Run.

    But I say it fully admitting that if you do the opposite, it's what I'd probably do. So I understand.