How long have you been actively stepping out of your closet? Not like...."Oh, I've known since I was a teen and only now acting on it"...but...."Okay, I accept who I am now, I need to act on it" I feel like I want everything done NOW!! I am getting increasingly impatient, and frustrated. I am eager to be mind-free. Another thing that I have thought about: What the hell will I think about when I am out to everyone? This whole thing fills up my whole waking mind. It's in my every thought.....what will I think about when I don't have to think about this??!! And a thought provoking sentence put to me tonight....."Of course it won't feel right....YOU are a lesbian....who is MARRIED....to a MAN....it's never going to feel 'right'." Oh, how I wish I'd acted upon that 20+ years ago. Another thoughtful moment. Watching the TV. Blind date type program. An older guy (82) has a date with a woman (80) and they chat about only being here once, and doing everything right and they both toast to "life". *brain sparky moment* And on that same program. Two girls have a date. Oh my. They were both gorgeous in their own ways. But the attraction there....it made me jealous!! I know this is going to sound pretty dysfunctional....Buut I have e-mailed my husband. We swap random mails sometimes. It used to be a cutsie thing he did when we first met, so I had a mail to read when I got up.....but then they changed from cheesy to functional....can you remember to buy bread etc!! LOL!! Anyway, I have mailed him, to pick up when he gets to work tomorrow asking if he may be more comfortable writing his thoughts down, as they are not forthcoming face to face. Although his talking to me is relatively normal, he still hasn't had an iota of contact with me for over a fortnight now. I figure if we can have meaningful conversations, even by e-mail, it's got to be better than this silence with an elephant sat in the middle of the room. Apologies for the waffle. I so value everyones opinion. And also it's nice to know I am not entirely crazy x
I started coming out here and finally started to accept my sexuality this summer. Its definitely a roller coaster, one day i feel so happy about being gay, other days I try to make excuses. But as time has gone by the excuses keep losing. Its really weird. I know I am gay.I know I need to fully accept it. When I do full accept it I feel so happy, so at peace. Right now I have only come out here and to myself. I am afraid to move forward, but like you I also just want everything done NOW! If by magic I could wake up with a guy I was in love with, I don't think I would have any major problem living as a gay man. I just don't know how to get there!
I first accepted that I really wanted to date women in February, began dating then, and started coming out in March. Originally I started by saying I was bi, so I could explain away my past, but then by May I came out fully as being lesbian. Now I'm out and proud, in a great relationship and happier than I've ever been. It was a rough few months, though.
Well |I've been actively out of the closet since May 2015, and separated from my husband since November 2015, and I too want everything now!! My therapist, along with plenty of others, tells me I am impatient, but I feel that I've only just started my life, and I just have so many experiences I want to pack in, and so little time left to do it in!! My friend at work said I should apply to go on that dating programme. She said her sister has applied. I suggested to her that we cut out the middle man and she should simply introduce me to her sister!!
Sounds like a plan!!!! Tell me....how did you tell your husband? Sit down and chat? Was he okay about it? Did he already know-ish? Xx Just starting the long road with husband. I know where it's going to end up, but he's going to try every trick in the book for it not to, I guess. X
Hexamum, I can relate to so much of your post... I felt like this for much of the summer. I often though this too. :lol: It made me doubt myself because I thought I was making too much of it. But now I'm working again, I've just got other things to think about. You're not crazy! Either that, or I'm also crazy. :icon_bigg
