It's taken awhile but I have accepted myself as gay. I still have doubts and struggles, but reading other posts here the 'roller coaster' is pretty normal, and each time the roller coaster comes back to acceptance, the 'other side' gets weaker and weaker. it's a strange feeling. I know I am gay, and I know when I fully come out I will be happy, I just said on another thread, if I some how magically woke up snuggled to a guy, i'd have no problem living fully authentically as a gay man. but I have just hit a huge wall of resistance recently. So I have stopped coming out. I accept myself as gay, and i love fantasizing, and when I come home I feel so relieved because I can be gay ( I live alone). But all day i live in fear. Scared someone might figure out i am gay, I become overwhelmed with the idea. I also have some lingering doubts. I look at women in the street. I love their femininity but I 100% know I am gay. Still it confuses me. Did anyone run into this coming out? What was the single biggest thing you did to fully embrace your sexuality? It sounds so weird.. I am gay but I want to be gay
Stop caring about what other people think of you. It's that simple. It was the key to my coming out. And I feel great about it.
I think we're in the same boat. I've very recently stopped hiding from myself and began the process of accepting the fact that I just can't see myself with a man. I want to be with and fall in love with a women. I can't hide it anymore. I totally agree that if I fell in love with a woman (a REAL woman-- not someone I fantasize about ) it would be so much easier to live an authentic life and "come out." Looking back, I've always known but I just didn't want to admit it to myself.
The thing that helped me the most is the realization that there is no such thing as being either our or in the closet. What used to stop me was this idea that I had to have this huge coming out thing where everyone must know NOW or else. What helped me was to find an LGBT group that I could hang out with and just BE. No need to come out, talk about just how gay or not gay I am, etc. I could just be and talk about every other thing in the world. Being in NYC you should be able to find an LGBT group geared towards your interests. Maybe LGBt group that likes to play table top games, or likes to play sports, or like to ride bikes, etc. They are all out there.
Hi findingjoy, I don't have any advice for you, as I'm nowhere near coming out. But, I can relate to a few things in your post... Our situations are different, but I can relate in the sense that I want to be there already (with a woman). Not sure if that is what you're feeling. With you on the fantasizing! It's great to when you're alone and can dream/think. I don't feel that I live in fear, but then I'm in a long-term heterosexual relationship. I feel that up until now I've had good reasons for not saying anything and for not acting, but those reasons are starting to become less valid. Being near the point of having to actually do something is scary. I've been focused on my work for the past month, but now sexuality thoughts are coming back. I've been feeling a bit doubtful too. I think this is probably because I'm at the point where I need to start planning how and when I am going to tell my partner, and handle what will happen next. I really want to be on the other side. I don't even know if I'm going to do it.
I told myself: look link you might bea lesbian but you're still a person. A person with thoughts and feelings and experiences and the potential to be someone. The fact is my sexuality is just a fraction of me. It isn't all of me. I want to help do some good in this world and my sexuality never played a part in that. So why should it now? Even more so I feel like I have an obligation to help others. To defend the people who felt diminished or on danger because of who they love. I could care less of I was anywhere on the spectrum. Fact is I got a kob to do and people to help. That there got me over the hurdle. Sorry that was kind of deep. Long story short i don't let my sexuality completly define me as a person.
I second this. I'm not out to everyone but this was a huge part of it - not caring what other people think anymore which has held me back in life quite a bit up until this point. If people can't accept me for who I am than that's their problem. Also coming out to more people and getting comfortable referring to myself as Bi and talking about women I find attractive has helped. And starting to make gay friends. I think that helps a lot too. I think it's definitely best as a series of small steps (hence my signature), it's too overwhelming all at once. I have felt stuck many times too but it gets easier!
Thanks so much for responding LostInDayDreams. I always love reading your posts... our journeys are so similar! what do you think keeps you from the other side? is it all the fear? or just doubt?
Preach! I am SOOOOO gay in the depths of my apartment (even if Im not 100% sure I'm a lesbian, I ID as queer), but when Im out of my house Im afraid to talk to anyone about it even though Im out. Ive pretty much stopped coming out to people too. The moments when I truly embrace my sexuality are when I hang out with gay/lesbian friends and just let it all out. Its when I truly feel like myself. Also I share a netflix account with my family and I have stopped deleting the history so now they see all the gay movies I watch lol.
